Better Myself

I can't get ahead of myself (myself)
I should try and better myself (myself)
But I'm drowning in the deep end
And it feels like no one sees it
Someone, please give me a reason I should stay

I can't get ahead of myself (myself)
I should try and better myself (myself)
But I'm drowning in the deep end
And it feels like no one sees it
Someone, please give me a reason I should stay

Yeah, I got a plan to make a lot of changes
But it's harder to breathe when your heart is racin'
I've been caught up in constant contemplation
That shit's not a phase, it's too complicated
Can't concentrate when the cuts get deeper
If I were you, I wouldn't love me either
My problem is I'm too fuckin' eager
I got a taste of revenge and there's nothing sweeter

So I'm numbin' the pain with another substance
Till I lose balance and my blood is rusted
Just another fuck up piss drunk in public
They don't trust me at all, like I'm up to somethin'
Like, why can't they ever hear me screamin'
The preacher told me I might need Jesus
Trapped in my head till I find some freedom
It feels like I'm some sort of evil genius

Please don't talk to me 'cause I don't want to be bothered
And I can't fall asleep, I'm busy fighting these monsters
Why's it so hard to breathe, somebody call me a doctor
I think I'm goin' fuckin' bonkers, yeah

I can't get ahead of myself (myself)
I should try and better myself (myself)
But I'm drowning in the deep end
And it feels like no one sees it
Someone, please give me a reason I should stay

I can't get ahead of myself (myself)
I should try and better myself (myself)
But I'm drowning in the deep end
And it feels like no one sees it
Someone, please give me a reason I should stay

Think I'm addicted to bad news
Everyone I love ends up bein' stab wounds
Maybe they did what they had to
I'm better off alone or give me liquor and tattoos
I feel like nothin' takes the stress away (stress away)

This bible's promise send me better days (better days)
I give in my chest and I get led astray
So fuck these promises I said I'd never break
I pray for peace, yet I prepare for war
I'm 24, but these tears could fill a reservoir
You bitches think you know me, you don't
Throw a hundred million stones trying to break me, you won't (break me, you won't)

I can't get ahead of myself (myself)
I should try and better myself (myself)
But I'm drowning in the deep end
And it feels like no one sees it
Someone, please give me a reason I should stay

Look, I thought I quit doin' dope for good
Been smokin' cones of wood 'cause I
I'm really wishin' I was drunk
I've become accustomed to the sober life
Overnight, took a year and nine months

Like it don't mean shit
Every time the phone ring, get told to shut the fuck up
And cussed by the one I love but she don't want no contact
The sheriff gonna come and lock me up for just that
Just asked my doctor for Klonopin
He's always on a mission tryna get me took off pills

He don't wanna write a script and get in trouble
When it's obvious there's something that I'm hooked on still
I told him "Look Doc, look I'm chill
Drunk a half a bottle earlier and I don't even look off keel"
I just stood on still so much Xanax in my
Body like I'm runnin' on a football field
I just wanna better myself

Mama said I know you got your life temporarily taken away
But livin' here is better than jail
Then the minute she said it, I felt like killin' myself
I don't look in no mirror, I don't step on no scale
I'm so god-damn fat, god-damn Johnny
Ain't no god-damn money
Every god-damn body, what you found that funny
Your heaven's my hell

I can't get ahead of myself (myself)
I should try and better myself (myself)
But I'm drowning in the deep end
And it feels like no one sees it
Someone, please give me a reason I should stay

I can't get ahead of myself (myself)
I should try and better myself (myself)
But I'm drowning in the deep end
And it feels like no one sees it
Someone, please give me a reason I should stay