dwell on the guilt of saving myself

All my life I made mistakes about the days
We stayed up late too drunk to try to numb the pain
We didn't treat each other nicely
Didn't read the room precisely
Oh well

You said you'd promise to love me just the same
But all you did is make me feel ashamed
Never meant to say those things while I was high
Thoughts keep me up at night
Sharing feelings while we're fried

Now all I do is dwell on the guilt of saving myself
When everything is good I feel like I'm somebody else
And the sick loves the sick, but I'm sick of the dying
Where's the shame in wanting to get out?
Now all I do is dwell on the guilt of saving myself

All the while I sit and smile
'Cause they're my friends, right?
They deserve the hype, right?
Deserve me staying up all night, right?

Like when you told me you'd be there for me
Sending concerning texts about my ex
Blank checks never spent for the sake of love and context

Now all I do is dwell on the guilt of saving myself
When everything is good I feel like I'm somebody else
And the sick loves the sick, but I'm sick of the dying
Where's the shame in wanting to get out?
Now all I do is dwell on the guilt of saving myself

Everybody knows now
Can't keep my friends 'round
I got a sore throat from screaming at 'em too loud
Yeah, everybody knows now
Can't keep my friends 'round
I got a sore throat from screaming at 'em

Now all I do is dwell on the guilt of saving myself
When everything is good I feel like I'm somebody else
And the sick loves the sick, but I'm sick of the dying
Where's the shame in wanting to get out?
Now all I do is dwell on the guilt of saving myself