Smtms, Smtms Nt

Sometimes i can make it
To the grocery store nearby and
Stumbling, bleary eyed, wander
Picking up a few things to restock
And maybe i can hold a conversation once in a while
Holding up cheap facades that mask everything going on
But sometimes i can't

Because sometimes i lock myself up
In my room with the shades drawn and
Hiding, trembling, i'm waiting
For everything to fall apart already
Let me rot in peace

Sometimes i think that i can do
The things everyone's expected to, like
Talking, working, existing, but
Everything is always too much for me
Nothing's ever enough
I'm always so tired of everything
Overstimulating, overdoing
Feeling everything
Nothing's ever enough
Everything is too much

The past keeps sticking out in tufts of drying ink
Sprouting out from what i'm writing
So i bought some tape
And keep trying to press it all down
So the whole thing stays neat, and clean
And doesn't show the world how bad it's getting

But flowers grow through concrete
And memories flow through my bloodstream
Thin rivulets seeping into the text
Until i'm drained, and everyone can see
What's in me

Sometimes i think that i can do
The things everyone's expected to, like
Talking, working, existing, but
Everything is always too much for me
Nothing's ever enough
I'm always so tired of everything
Overstimulating, overdoing
Feeling everything
Nothing's ever enough
Everything is too hard

And i don't wanna die alone but
Everything's pointing into
Directions i don't want to take
But i find myself going anyways

Trying to stay upbeat
But is there really any other ending
For me that doesn't conclude with
Collapsing and imploding
What's left of my mental frame
Like a cheap lawn chair
Never stood a chance
Against my self-destructive tendencies
Sledgehammer of self-hatred

Crashing to the earth
Like an obsolete satellite
Dime a dozen, keep me posted
For when someone more interesting shows up