Watching Everything I Love Die

Uh
Baby can you please stay
Need you tonight in the worst way
I know that's not always what
Always what my words say
You've been carrying us all this way
Heavy as the hurt weighs

Trying to change the frame as of late
"I am not unworthy of your love
I am your chosen form of joy and pain"
But this shadow body gotta dispute cause
All it can do is hate

Swear that I'll be better if you can wait
Someday

Hella hallelujah
Keep it holy
Hold it closely
And not too tightly

But you know me
Bird in the hand is better squeezed
If you can breathe then you can't leave
And I hate my anxiety but beautiful things
Gotta have room to spread wings
I've been clipping all these birds
And then wondering why the hurt

Was it my words?
My body: so much shame
I love your spirit and I'd rather
Fight my instincts than keep you in a cage

So hella hallelujah
Go your way
And if you come home then I'll say
Then I'll say say

Holy
Hold it holy and closely
And not too tightly
Holy
Hold it holy and closely
And not too tightly

Familiar feeling again
Try to atone
But on phone calls your tone falls
Into cadences that I so know
I'm about to be solo
I guess that I'll survive on my own
But honestly I wanted you more

I'm second-guessing my hope
Like that one line from the verse that opened
Wonder if deserving love actually applies
To the broken
We keep it unspoken but we know
I've made mistakes I don't think I've chosen
Am I the villain if I don't know it

Is our love like a door
A door that only closes
And when it's over is it curtains is it roses
My posture is poor
But I've been practicing my poses
Namaste I wish you'd stay
But no matter how hard I try
You don't notice

Hella hallelujah
Keep it holy
Hold it closely
And not too tightly

Here I am
December Twenty Ninth
Watching the best thing that I've ever had
Die from the sidelines
And that hurts because I
I'm so adjusted to the grind
For fighting it out all night
And maybe
That enthusiasm for speaking my anxious mind
Is the reason I'll be sleeping without you for at least a little while
So let's shine a light
Let's be honest
I have pre-emptively called this
And my mind has wandered back to
Bachelor ballers
I could drown in the pussy or the depths of Lion's Gate waters

Holy
Hold it holy and closely
And not too tightly
Holy
Hold it holy and closely
And not too tightly