Show Stopper

50th Anniversary Tour
The drive to Leeds took longer than I thought
A crash near Catterick barracks
Slow going in weekday traffic
A phone in with Nicky Campbell
On the breaking Weinstein scandal
Got 5Live producers on speed dial
I call them up sometimes to ramble
But not today
No not today

Off at junction 45
I nearly turned this story round
Completed several indecisive
Circuits of the roundabout
But in the end I had to know
Where this adventure would go
Legs are shaking
Pretty nervous
The one-way ring road
Makes my brain hurt
As I approach
Everything slows
Everything slows

At the show
Still fairly early
Get checked in and
Get short shrift in
The photo holding area
From pro weirdos
Sneering at my gear 'oh,
We all started somewhere pal!'
But as we're led through
Felt like a hero
Dad if you could only see me now
You'd probably still be disappointed
You'd probably still be disappointed

I was starting to feel light-headed
Not eaten since that pasty at Wetherby
My legs and stomach feeling funny
I managed a tea with sugar in it
But the smells from the ovens
The hot dogs and onions
Anaemic chips and vinegar
Knot up my lungs
I'm doing it all for her I tell myself
I'm doing this for her
I'm doing this for her

I'm doing it all for her I tell myself
I'm doing this for her
I'm doing this for her
I'm doing this all for her

Took a walk out
There's no photographers pit like last time
A more sedate and silver-haired crowd
Rows and rows of red chairs
Geriatrics tapping their programmes
Pull my cap down
Survey the crowd
Clock Jean straight away
In the spotlight like it's destiny
There's no Mike
Mike's not here
She's brought her mum
I knew they had fights
But assumed he'd be here tonight
It bodes well
I've got three songs
Been told don't be too intrusive
Neil's a nice guy
But doesn't like to be distracted
The sound tech stuff's done
I always liked her mum
And she me
It's destiny
It's destiny

I was first up
Or I might have turned back
The adrenalin kicked in
When the band struck 'In My Lifetime'
One short of 14 'til
The great man strode in
Second song was
'You Got Me'
Made my move as it ended
Up close Neil looked tired and wide-eyed
But loving the crowd
Took the note from my hand
Catching himself by surprise
Said 'well this is most unusual,
But it is a special night
I'll read out this special message
I hope I get it right'
I turn and take off my cap
Crouch down in front of Jean
As the real Neil Diamond
Reads out my plea