All Those Years

All those years spent biding my time
Watching the others, to see how to run
Free as a child, jeopardizing and wild
Wish I had stayed there, wish it could last
But eager to see what to come I dove in to their jaws
That's who I was

Then came the age I hung only with girls
Not yet as awkward, personality not sculptured
Gossip and makeup and cellphones and bras
Thought that's what I wanted
A promising longing
But as the intensity rose I avoided their claws
That's who I was

Embracing the features in everyone else
Living for others instead of myself
Able to see what was hidden from the eye
Mending for others the struggles that hovered inside

All those years spent biting my tongue
Shoved illness inside me, the incubus won
Was told to conceal but in desperate need to reveal
Found ways around it, developed a skill
A disguise that was made to be real by a menacing cause
That's who I was

Awoke from a slumber of oblivious art
Founded a context to prevent falling apart

Last time I looked at my clock
My conscience was bolder, mind slavery was fought
Leaving behind the unconfident mind
Though still indecisive, inherited flaws
Accepting the realm of reality on emotional ground
That's who I was

Accepting the realm of reality with intuitive hands
That's who I am