Right to Die

I would kill myself with kindness
I would shoot myself a smile
I would go drown myself in positive affirmations for a while

I would just hang myself a Phish poster
Though most days I'm still closer to just drugging up and dying
But despite this I'm still trying

To stay on this burning hellscape
Of a rock hurdling through space
Putting off my trip to Switzerland
Where this finally will all end

And I've been here far too long singing the same damned song
It's getting worse each day, I'm not sure I can be strong

It's right to die, but wrong to try
The failure rates are far too high
We're all drugged up trying to get by
With our middle fingers towards the sky
We didn't ask to be brought into this dying world broken as ghosts
But of this waste of flesh and cash, I'll make the most

Days I'm just looking to the sunset
When I can drug myself and not get
Shitty glares, in my wheelchair. This close to pulling out my hair.

And if I do one thing it proves to them that I could've done it all
Even if it lands me in a blind dazed crawl

No matter how many times
I lose my motor function and wind up seizing up on the pavement
Seeing black until my flare-up goes away
I'm still doubting my senses and mounting expenses
Wondering if it's worth it to stay another day

If I can make it to next year where I'll be headed is unclear
I'm rapidly declining lately, needing more just to sedate me
Is it really a net positive to stay here?
Is the causative result clear and beneficial to this world?

Or am I merely killing time living on someone else's dime
You can say that Suicide is selfish all you want but what the hell's this then
If I didn't feel the need to organize my thoughts
For those I'll leave behind I'd have been gone so long ago

It's right to die, but wrong to try
I won't let my death go awry
If I'm getting out I'm doing it right
Give me 12 grand, and let me say goodnight