The Recluse

Wish I could say I've always been this way
But that's not true
Who knew what civil conversation could amount to
I mean
Every day I'm in my room
Staring at the ceiling fan
Wondering
Just what am I to do
Cuz I can't be in public
With out heavy breathing
I can't be content
I have to know the meaning
Zero purpose how I feel
And I really mean it
I
I feel useless
Like I've lost my edge
I was once a brave soul
Jumping off that ledge
Taking leaps of faith
Now my knees would shake
I could be replaced
And you'd never have to see my face
Again
And I wish the pain could end
Cuz I really miss my friends
And I fear the vaccine
For the side effects
If my arm goes numb
Who decides what's next
If my brain freaks out
And I clutch my chest
Eternal rest
Eternal rest
Is there a heaven above
For a recluse?
Who avoided all his friends
Couldn't let loose the grip
He had on his fear of death
That he once could accept
But now he feels contempt
Like he don't matter
If his world shattered
No damage done
Skies clear with a blazing sun
But his parents prolly mourn their son
Huh
I guess he does matter
To someone