Here to Stay

I know shit hasn't been okay
There's been so much pain
I feel insane
But maybe I'm the one to blame

I hurt you and then you say
You don't like it when I say these things
But you're broken and I'm angry
Only way I know to convey these feelings
Is spilling them onto a page
My pain spill onto it
Eyes filling with tears it
Hurts to think about you and the way you feel

I'm heart broken, split open from the skull down to my spine
Cut open inside
vulnerable like a fly
In a web, Disguised

By the way you hurt
The things said, I've bled, I'm red
Losing consciousness I'm vomiting
My feelings I can not keep them down

This love is double edged
Stabbed in the heart but with an epi-pen

You keeping me alive
You keep my heart beating
But pretty soon
I'll be conceding if I can't stop this needing
From feeding into my brain like a poison needle
That's treating my nervous system like a play ground
Cause I'm nervous and my system wanna play now

Wanna say now that I'm right
This love was something I've never had in my life
The feeling is bigger than I'd imagined
Bigger than I could fathom

I'm backed up
Cowards
Up against the wall
When it comes to love I'm powerless my strength is made of straw

I'm coveted by something else
Know gods the only law that I'm not breaking
Just to say I really tried, gave it my all

Guess that's what happens when you find something worth fighting for
You get scars, more battle wounds than a world at war
I'm tired and slowly consumed by another world
Drowning me, counting sheep
Sleeps the only counter card

I wanna get in my car
Drive away
Cruise slowly
Kick it into sports mode
Don't worry about the police
Just drive
Hitting 100 on my dash
And it's a blast
Then I remember why I'm driving in the first place
She's my last
She's my forever
My better and my better
She makes me wanna be a better me and I won't let her
Walk away from me so easily because of things that don't matter
She puts my mind at ease
At least thats what I gather

We're meant to be and god is testing us with every step
We're fighting this alone
But should be a team with every threat
Blow after blow we get stronger with every breath

We understand a little more about life
About love
About us and abetting this kinda overthinking is flawed
The love we got so holy sent down straight from god
This a nod to her and her beliefs
But she know that I been known to change what I believe
Based on what she teaches me
She's keeping me happy
And every day I pray
I thank god for what he gave
And I will let her know that every single day I'm here to stay

With every moment that I project my feelings onto her
And that's the thing that's leaving her burned
I'm too emotional
I gotta wait and give her her turn

To be just who she wanna
I promise that no matter what life throws that I'm behind ya
Or beside ya

Cause what matters to me is your happiness
What matters to me is that you understand we can be a mess
And clean it up together
We're stronger like
When we're apart
We're half of ourselves
Cause we're whole
When we're not
What we've got is special
Take my hand
We'll ride this out until everything gets settled
You're my golden medal
Stay with me forever
Till everything gets better
We'll endure the weather
And do it together