On My Own

You almost turned me to a believer
But you couldn't change me neither
I'm sick as sick can get but
I'm not running a fever
I'm an attention needer
And I'm far from a keeper
And I've been seeing all my problems
Get suppressed by the liter
The only warmth I feel inside
Is when my cigarette heat up
Been fighting all these losing battles
And I still go and beat up
Myself inside
And there ain't no place I can hide
From the bully that has got a choke hold on my mind
Was I blind this whole time
Or is everyone bluffing?
Cause they been saying love is good
I guess I'm not good at loving
Now its gotta bad taste
Like it burned in the oven
There ain't no starting over
Back to starting with nothing
They say I can learn my lesson
Turn the bad into blessings
But sorry I'll be here
Falling into mental depression
Without a question I'll bet if
You asking me I'll say F it
I'm done with tryna regress it
I really don't have the effort
Cause

I've been gone too long
To find where to go
I'm feeling lost in my home
While you've been good all alone
I don't recall the last time I had a smile
On my face its been a while
Cause I'm not good on my own

I'm reverting back to the fuck it status
Pouring vlad and chug the glasses
Thought I fell for you
And now I'm drunk and in love with my mattress
I been sleeping the days away
The blackest coffee and my nicotine
Just to stay awake
Just hoping the pain will fade
It's either that or I lay awake
And think of every grave mistake
That I made to go and wrong you
Thinking what I'm gonna do
Now that you good alone
And I can't tie up my own shoes
God damn I'm a loser
They say I am too young
To fuck up my life
By abusing these cruel drugs
I find myself cooped up
In a ball, life has been at stall
Making these phone calls that you duck
The truth sucks
I can't handle it
Push it down like a man does it
Self destructive eruption
Inside of me I'm an anarchist
But HE works in mysterious ways
And must've been planning it
Saying HE's got a hand it
Damn this shit

Cause I've been gone too long
To find where to go
I'm feeling lost in my home
While you've been good all alone
I don't recall the last time I had a smile
On my face its been a while
Cause I'm not good on my own

Don't tell me living ain't loving
Cause life sucks while I'm missing that something
Don't tell me I'll be fine one day
Cause right now i won't believe nothing
Don't tell me living ain't loving
Cause life sucks rn while I'm missing that something
That something, yeah yeah

I've been gone too long
Been lost on my own
Wish i could just let you go
You're probably better alone