Alone

It was three days before the funeral
So happy to see me
The feeling was mutual
You wanted pictures and told me how mom was beautiful
Couldn't fight the feeling
It was too unusual
Joey dropped me off from a show that we did in Wichita
Told you how me him & JL was out there getting off
I miss the way that you would catch me on stage
And how we would chill and hang
Share stories and laugh for days but
That's just something I'm not getting back
No idea how much I would give to get that feeling back
Now it's thoughts in the air of loss and despair
And how much that it would affect me all through years
It still leaves me in paralysis
You were supposed to quit smoking go back to dialysis
Wait for me to put you on one of these fabulous immaculate multi million dollar palaces
Now all I have is this last conversation
Over the years it's been getting less hard to play it
Going through alla these memories had me remembering
Now you're gone and I fucking hate it

I don't know which was worse
Mother's Day was the day that you died
Or that I didn't even get a chance to say my goodbyes
All I know there's no way to disguise
All the pain in my eyes
How it feels like I'm wasting my time
All I do is ask and pray
God please give me the strength so I can masquerade
Sipping from a flask for days
So high I could catch a plane
Ain't seen my ass for days
Cuz I was afraid for any y'all to see my ass this way
There was no consoling me
Even from people that were close to me
Had no real way of controlling me
Cuz no matter how many times I'ma play this back
It'll never change the fact you're really gone from me
Lord help me
Wanted you to be healthy
But now you and mom are gone I'm alone and feeling empty
And there's nothing no one can tell me
All I can do is rely on these drugs and getting fucked up to help me