Potato

Washing some spuds, chopping them up
Cooking my lunch (Jansson's Frestelse)
Swedish Casserole
But while I'm chopping, I drop a chunk and
It makes me stoppen 'What in the hellse...'
It switched my bluetooth on

Did you know you can control your phone
With a piece of potato?
Did they mean for my LCD screen
To be responsive to a root vegetable?
What's the point of this functionality?
Are they catering to potaters
With opposable thumbs that can read?
I can't help thinking that must be a pretty limited market
But wait, now my brain is all like

Maybe the CEO of Apple Tim Cook
Is secretly a potato disguised as a human
Who's worked his way up into the boardroom
And he keeps trying to pitch features that are specifically
Geared toward potatoes, and he's like
"Greetings fellow humans"
And they're like "I hate how he starts every meeting like that
Typical corporate exec, can't remember anyone's name'
And then he's like
"I've got an idea for an app"
"Okay, well, does it have broad appeal
Because, honestly, most of your ideas have been unworkably specific"
"Have you heard of Uber?"
"Have we... have we heard of Uber?
The most downloaded ride-hailing app in the world, yes, I think most-"
"I'm just spitballing here, but what about Tuber?"
"What's Tuber?"
"An app that matches tuberous roots for the purpose of getting
Freaky asexually"
"Again, I'm not sure there's a demographic for this
You know, it's kind of like your app for destroying all the peelers
Also, as CEO, you shouldn't really be pitching apps at all
It's, it's really more of a sales and operations role"

Did you know you can control your phone
With a piece of potato?
Have you seen when it touches the screen
You can Personal Hotspot enable (what a lucky vegetable)
What a random bit of functionality (how strange)
I wonder how it happened, hahaha it's a real mystery
No, I don't think that someone could've tampered with the schematics
(Epic solo)