Finding AMISTAD

I spent my life growing
Up on both sides
One where white people reside
And the other niggas die
Jamaa had to have my back
'Cause I was scared to go outside
Not because I was a punk
But because I ain't know nobody
Daddy feared for all my life
So he kept me extra close
Prolly smoking weed all day
And I ain't even really know
But when I came back to The Creek
I had to wash all of my clothes
Not because it smelt like weed
But because of cigarette smoke
Taking trips to see my cousins
They lived inside of The Palace
Land big enough to play in
Even enough to wonder Alice
This my pain, and I enjoy
Gotta keep this shit balanced
Seen it all been thru it all
Enough For me to bear malice
Still remember classmates
Acting like they from the gutta
Talking 'bout all of them crimes
Like they really had to suffer
Niggas really shoot for fun
But they ain't tryna beat no buzzer
Niggas staying on The Bay
But can still afford them a hummer
Even had my 10th birthday
In the heart of my city
But got my ass whooped
Because I told Des something petty
It's still a time, I was alive
Even had my big sister
Then things changed
And I ain't see her
But she still my lo' hitta
Then I met my girlfriend
Apart of me was ashamed
Couldn't even bring her round
'Cause her dad was afraid
Started going thru some shit
And I distanced myself
Now that I'm looking back
I should've asked for some help
2 years before that even happened
Grandma Angie had passed
After all of my decisions
Wonder if she still glad?
Now it's back to present times
And it's 2015
Jamaa got the throwaway
Nigga only seventeen
Now it's time to feel something
So it's next to my head
Should I really pull this trigger?
Am I better off dead?
I'm sorry mama if you listen
It was really tough times
Every night that I now sleep
I think about how I'd die
Really need to come back home
Because I'm so tired of crying
If something ever happened to you
Then the whole world dying
All I'm looking for is peace
But it's so hard to find
I done ran out all my faith
Now a nigga just blind
I try so hard, but it still haunts me
In my face all the time
Run away from all my problems
Not a beautiful mind
Always contradict myself
But steady give good advice
Don't want my brothers
To end up like me
This to David and Dice
And Mama, I'm sorry