The Main Event

Another night with Charles' friends
I pray to God that it soon ends
Nights like this, I envy the poor
Their parties can't possibly be such a fucking bore

We stand and chat, try to look alive
While we wait for the Prince to arrive
His mistress smiles and does her bit
I wonder how she puts up with this shit

I'm here
Darling! Finally
And I'm here too... Surprise!

Goodnight and goodbye to my discontent
I just got a ticket to the main event
It's the "Thrilla in Manila"
But with Diana and Camilla! ("Thrilla in Manila" with Camilla!)
So hold onto your hats
These cats are gonna fight
This suddenly became
One hell of a night
Now let's start the show
Ready, set, here we go!
Go, go, go!

Diana
Actually, it's "Your Royal Highness"
You swore you wouldn't cause a scene
You swore you wouldn't see her again
Perhaps you and I should go somewhere private - the basement
Love to!

A rather tough night for our beloved sir
Between him and his wife
I'd put my money on her
I'd swallow my pride
To have a seat ringside!
Ringside, wanna be ringside!

Here we go, a chance to chat
You and me
How about that?
Tell me then
Will this take long?
I'll be brief
I want you gone

Here's the truth about royal life
A prince has his lover, as well as his wife
Don't you know? Must I make it clear?
I picked you out
What?
And put you here
No

I love Charles for who he is
For his strength and the noble life he lives
You love Charles for who he's not
Some fantasy prince
In some storybook plot

Oh oh oh, you're completely mad!
Such delusion and confusion
How bloody sad
You're a fool!
You're a fling!
You're a thing on the side!
While I'm his celebrated bride

I've been discreet
Stayed out of your way
You showed up to the church on my wedding day!
At least I have class
Well, you hide it well

Just so you know
I'll fight like hell!
I'll fight like hell!
I'll fight like... (I'll fight you)
I'll fight like -

Stop this now!
You've had your goddamn fun!
We'll take our leave
Your little stunt is done

You thought I was a ninny
You could mold me as you like
Well the skinny on the ninny
Is she's really rather bright

I've suffered through divorce
I know how it destroys
I've had it done to me
I won't do it to my boys!

Ladies and gentlemen
Now, this is a show
And I'm front row for the blow-by-blow!
It's the "Thrilla in Manila"
But with Diana and Camilla ("Thrilla in Manila" with Camilla!)

For years, this story
Will trip off my tongue
I was part of a party
Where the mud was flung
Who will the winner be
In a marriage of three?
Three, three, three

And while we're all here
Shall we clear the air?
You aided and abetted
Their entire affair!
You lent them your flats
You hid them out
Don't say you don't know
What I'm talking about!

That's enough, that's enough
Now you've gone too far -
No it's not, no it's not!
Now call the car
That's right
Time to go

Grab my bag
Grab my hat
Grab my feeble little husband
Goodnight and cheerio!
I'll ring you
No. No, he won't!

Well, thanks for the party
We really must run
I wish we could stay
But I'd say that we're done
Now I'm leaving with my man...
Oh my gosh, this was fun!
Fun, fun, fun!