Lights Up

I remember a time when wanting to die was as easy as riding a bike
Gradually and then all at once
Feeling alive was like watching a foreign film without subtitle
Utterly lost and left questioning the point to it all
I remember being afraid to close my eyes
Even to rest because the rest of what's left inside the burrows of my mind is unkind
I remember ripping open my skin
Just to find that I was clipping way too thin to survive
Searching for a reason to be alive
I had to revive the will to create
To not discriminate
To put an end to the self hate I inflict
The old scabs of the fights that I picked
The kicks that I get when I don't repent

Stuck here wondering what happened to that wandering girl
The one I once knew who claimed she'd take over the world
She always wanted more
Fighting an itch to explore
I'll never stop wondering if she'll find what she was looking for
Too that lonely little girl
I'm sorry
I left her to drown
When all I wanted was to never let her down
I hope I can find what she was looking for
I hope I can be what she wanted to see
Before I waltzed through the wrong door

But for her
I seek redemption
The chance to finally feel proud
For her, not to mention
I'd shout it so fucking loud
I give to you all my only valuable possession
My confession
A short life's worth of depression
Developed anxiety of societies mighty recession
Idles of a young hopeless romantic, of a girl too clueless to help it
Records of the highest highs to fly on and lows too low to know

This is all I know
This is all I have
This is all I am
I hope it can repay my debt to that little girl
Because I owe it all to the persistence in her twirl
The deep seeded need to see a change in the world

To anyone who might want to hear the rambles of a burnout
It's too soon to tune out
Please continue to listen carefully
And tread with care
Here for you, my cold heart is uncovered
Scarred, naked and bare