Trauma

If you're a younger fan than I suggest you skip this track
I've danced around the subject, but I've never been this blunt in rap
I'm kind of scared of sharing, but it's something that I need to make
A tale of my trauma and a tale of my mistakes

When it all started I was at a party been touched by a man that I didn't know
I was a kid and then nobody liked me, so I was surprised after every stroke
Didn't resist and then after I felt kinda nice it was fine
I was like
"This is easy I don't need a woman, I might just continue and give this a go"

So next I'm online and I'm strolling through craigslist
I was too young so I lied 'bout my age it's
Clеar I was desperate was fuеled by self hatred
Next I was trading these photos I'm naked
Next thing I'm talking in ways that I shouldn't be
They say that they want to meet up and then I agree
Thought I was smart at the peak of maturity
Fuck was I not, I was stupid, I couldn't see

I entered his house it was okay
Just gonna touch and then go away
I take off my clothes, and he's locking the door, and I'm starting to panic, like,"No way"
The force of his grab pushed me back as he slammed down my body

I couldn't leave
I couldn't leave, his weight there on top of me
Head in the bed so I couldn't scream
I couldn't scream

Blinded by pain I remember the blood and I couldn't see
I couldn't see
The feeling of fear as it's driving inside and I couldn't breath
I couldn't breath, I couldn't breath

Thought I was dead, fuck, I couldn't leave
The moment is carved in my memory
And so there wasn't a day where it wouldn't bleed

Felt like it went on for centuries
Ripped me apart so incessantly
A monster devoid of all empathy
But when he finished, exhausted he fell asleep

He locked every exit, but one little window I think that he maybe forgot
I kept on thinking that I could've died if he didn't leave that one unlocked
I was in shock
I didn't want to tell anyone, I was embarrassed and lost
I was a child
Fuck, I was a child
What else could I possibly done?

I couldn't run, I couldn't sleep
It kept invading my dreams
It was a living hell
Blocked out my sense of smell
So, I could have just a moment of peace
Crippled by PTSD

I could be triggered by so many things
But the internet made being triggered a meme
Kept it inside, I just wanted to scream
Tortured my mind and it just wouldn't leave

Fucked up my school, fucked up my life
Fucked me right up, I would not go outside
Found myself wishing I could just be normal
No breaking down crying in bed every night

Bed every night, bed every night
Found myself crying in bed every night
I was a child
Fuck, I was a child

I was so scared that I wouldn't survive
Wouldn't survive, wouldn't survive
Stood in the tracks I was ready to die
Ready to let it all end
I was done being tortured by this kind of life