The Ultimate BARD Rap

Select your Class! Bard
Bard... Who'd wanna be a Bard

Inspiration's the question? Bards are the answer
Raising spirits harder than a Necromancer
The only Class fluent in Common and Sweet Talk
My race is Hypeman and my speed Moonwalk
A Charisma cannon, call me Casanova
My d20 makes your pantaloons go supernova
I make Goblins gawk and Beholders behold
Bards ain't silvertongued! We won the fucking gold

Here's a little limerick to limit your lifespan
When a Bard breaks bones it's a poetry slam
Barbarian taught me how to go Berserk
I'm a beat poet 'bout to bruise your body of work
I'm a spell-slinging song-singing jack-of-all trades
I Buff by talking tough, can even bluff some healing aid
With sexy deadly medleys, a Bard is instrumental
I'm in the Monster Manual under Mojo Elemental

Fighter's the muscle, beat you down in brawls
Wizard's the brain, drive you up the walls
Rogue's the backbone, holding us all tall
Cleric's the heart, but Bards are the balls

Lute solo! Two hands! One hand! Mage hand
No hands! Don't ask how I did that

I'm insult to injury, with Arcane artillery
Make history with witchery, my Faerie Fire's so glittery
Tasha is my warmup act, make you bust a rib
Everywhere's my turf with Leomund's Tiny Crib
My lyrics are critical, Healing Words every round
Call me Feather Fall, I'll never let my team down
Don't choke! Rhymes sicker than a Stinking Cloud
Speak With Plants, we can talk after you've been ploughed

Born to disrupt, don't you dare get physical
I interrupt, I make your strikes all pitiful
Watch me corrupt, change luck when I get lyrical
Dealing Psychic Damage with every syllable
Fighting talk's my weapon for derring-do and dealing
I don't do much damage but I hurt their feelings
Vicious Mockery, I'm here to cause grief
Must've multi-classed Butcher I got so much beef

I need a volunteer, yes, you, in the back
Hello, I'm an Orc. And I attack
Hey Orc! You dork! I'll make you take that swing back
You got Deflect Missiles? 'bout to catch so much flak

CUTTING WORDS

Your brain's a desert going through a thought drought
A Feeblemind would give you more to think about
Your Class Proficiency? It's in simplicity
Every word Buffs your Aura of Stupidity
Your train of thought is now a derailed wreck
Every time you blink is an Intelligence Check
Admit you submit, you can't hit shit with my wit
Now, make like a banana and go away

And that's why you Bard! We're the Dukes of Fluke
I must've rolled a Tiefling, all these Hellish Rebukes
I'm the Master-Class! Sharper ears than an Elf
Let me take this d8, I just inspired myself