within my hands

It took a couple weeks for all my oceans to dry up
And two weeks after that, the tears came and I cried the flood
I never thought I'd go from feeling nothing to so much
All at once

And I tried talking with my sister but I lied
I really thought it would be different this time
I found that even in the darkness I can't hide
from my own eyes

Anticipated I'd be the type
To set all of my fears alight
But when they started to look like you
I didn't know what else to do

So I
Forced you to the back of my head
To counter all the tears that I shed
I choose to focus on what's real instead

And now I lie here wrapped in flowers I grew on my own
I built a stream in between loneliness and being alone
I carved your name and reading it still chills me to the bone
But at least I read it from your stone

Anticipated I'd be the type
To convince myself my futures bright
And I never would've gotten here
If I'd lived with all that fear

So I
Forced you to the back of my head
To counter all the tears that I shed
I choose to focus on what's real instead

And now I am happier than I've ever been
Somehow I'm planting seeds with each new memory
And I'll allow the sadness to water by garden green

Keep the tears clean
Cry for me and no one else
Watching as they gleam
In sunlight I cast on myself
And fields of evergreen
Within my hands, I've never been so sure
Of my hold on the world before

Forced you to the back of my head
To counter all the tears that I shed
I choose to focus on what's real instead

Evergreen within my hands, I've never been so
Sure of my hold on the world
Surviving all the seasons changing and floods of rain
'Cause I know that I'm recovering
It's blossoming and everything feels
Clean
Clean