Meditation

I search my body
To identify where the pain lies
Where is the anxiousness
That keeps me up at night?
Is it in my scalp?
Or the knitting of my brow?
If I relax my face, my body muscles
Will that lift me up now?

I unclench my teeth
Let my lips fall apart
Release the tension in my neck
Let my shoulders drop
And what of the butterflies
That live in my stomach?
What breathing exercises
Can lift me from this moment?

I travel down my body
My hips, my thighs
My knees, my shins
My soles that hide
Because I wanna know
Where the pain lies

Where did it come from?
Can I pinpoint the start?
Did it materialize out of my stint in the dark?
Or did it come with me from the womb
Born into poverty and southern systemic oppression?
Did it magnify as my Blackness grew in a new direction?
One that would make me leave my neighbors
To search for new life, new growth
Only to find my Blackness goes wherever I go
So I learn to love it, to cherish it instead
But the souls of Black folks still live in my head
And the pain still follows me
Deep in my bones
So I sit here, now, searching
In the sanctity of my own home
Scanning my body from my head to my toes
Because I wanna know
Where the pain lies
So I can acknowledge it and hold it
And release it on a soft cry
Where I reclaim my wholeness
And love for my thick thighs

But
Before I get too ahead of myself
Let me reground, recenter
I acknowledge these thoughts as valid as they enter
But may I be present in this very moment
Because the next one is filled with the unknown and
I wanna know
Where the pain lies
So I sit, in silence
One
With my body and mind