All Hallows' Steve

We were walking down the street Halloween at night
Rocking plastic masks and LA Lights
We found a run-down house on the darker side of town
Some older kids were gathered they were spinning yarns
About a blood thirsty creature that had snakes for arms
He'd show you how you'll die if you said his name out loud

They promised us their whole candy haul
If we went inside and tried to find the truth of it all
Before you knew it we were up the stairs
Breaking in a house on a double dare
But we were not prepared for what we saw

His name is All Hallows Steve
And he comes on every Halloween
Whenever cocky little children need a fright
He didn't have snakes for arms
But he had a terrifying charm
'Cause he told us what it's like to be 35

Well we stood before him but we didn't trust our eyes
Trying to decide if we were traumatized
He rocked some cargo shorts
And New Balance with high socks
He said, "Kids, when you get to be as old as me
Your ears will get hairy and it's hard to pee
I've had kidney stones that were bigger than an ox"

"You don't go out nearly as much as your back
And you're eating mostly vegetables
But you just stay this fat"
He went on and on for what felt like days
Told a corny joke and didn't seem half fazed
When he was the only one that laughed

His name is All Hallows Steve
And he comes on every Halloween
He moves so slow it's like he's barely alive
We thought that we were running free
But now we just want to leave
But the front door slammed
And we're stuck here for the night

Now the years have passed so I go back
The house looks empty but the door is cracked
I go in and hear a creak
Is that the floor or just my knees?
See a little kid and he's tracking mud
So I pop around the corner shouted, "Hey there, bud!"
I smile and I wave but this brat just points at me
And then he screams

He's screams "It's All Hallows Steve!"
I guess the torch has been passed to me
It's an honor that I feel I must uphold
Tuck my polo shirt into my jeans
'Cause I know I'm 'bout to make a scene
'Cause there's nothing scarier than getting old

No there's nothing scarier than getting old



Credits
Writer(s): Ryan Collins, Joshua Ison
Lyrics powered by www.musixmatch.com

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