Confessions At 12Am

Sometimes when I wake up I realize I don't feel alive
Try to focus on the big things, when I close in they not the same size
I try to put things past me but when I try to move I feel paralyzed
Like I'm scared to die, never scared to ride, sometimes I think that's a pair of lies...
I've never been co-dependent, I never could ask for help
I have a gambling issue, I always bet on myself
Cause I never could put my own fate in another man's hands
Made my own plans
Made my own chance, made my own ways
Yea I'm so black but never could fade
Maybe that's boldness in my blood
Or maybe it's stubbornness I harnessed, I would rid it if I could
Along with everything that's plagued me since a young teen
I was 13 when I first thought I had to end it all, cause the light of life, I couldn't see
But the light at the end of the tunnel I tell you was clear as day
When it started I can't say, if I do it now, that's a one way
And I pray to god that it goes away, that white light is turning gray Pray to god that it Goes Away, that white light is turning gray, yea

Feeling like a pipe about bust, yea I'm under pressure
Everything I do is for fam, pain and the pleasure
I don't get a chance to feel at all, cause I'm goin numb
That travel down that sienna's way, left me goin nuts
Heartbreak after Heartbreaks, yes it's permanent
No heart lives in my chest, no resident
Emptiness with confidence is false pride
See the prison inside of my eyes, you can see a cage bird cry
Relationships come with problems, I'm expecting it
Bull in a China shop, I'm always wrecking shit
Sometimes I wonder how I live with shit
I still wonder how I made it out of that accident

A couple years later, I've been in different places
Traveled the confines of my mind, I've witnessed many changes
I've jump from phase to phases
Erasing names and faces
Everybody who's crossed me, yea lost me, I felt betrayed and
Disappointed that the closest thing I had to kin
Was taping in and doing the greatest sin
Send my heart off with packaging
Spare myself from this empty skin
The sunken place is where I go to when I start to feel the walls caving in
I wait it out while I'm bringing down the gates if anybody peeks in
I sit in the dark, pondering all of the things on my mind
Simply just me and my thoughts, latching on everything good I recognize
Yea my past is pain, the love and hurt the two I specialize
I see the dark and the light
Confessions at midnight