Eyes

I always liked how your eyes looked at me
Piercing, warm, gentle
They had seen so much
Witnessed pain, walls falling, people breaking
But then, after everything, they chose to look at me
But I guess I couldn't handle being in the spotlight

So now I drag my feet when I walk
Not because I have a wounded leg
But because sometimes
it all feels just too heavy to pick my shoes from the ground
And my head's spinning around
Shadows whisper at me from the street lamp in the corner
You know what you have to do
And you know what you have to prove
And you know who you have to soothe
Just do what you have to do

I don't like the way I treat myself, but I can't stop
I look in the mirror, shatter the glass, repeat day in and day out
Get a new mirror
This mirror's different than the rest
She loves me, treats me well
And tells me I look beautiful despite the bags under my eyes
Despite the scars on my skin
Despite the numbness of my touch
Yet despite all of this, I still smashed it

I still broke that mirror and left its shattered pieces on the ground
For it to try to glue itself back together
How can I ever look myself in a mirror again after what I did
How can I ever pick my feet up
While I walk after the weight that lays in my shoes
How can I ever start a garden
Because apparently, I want to destroy everything beautiful in my life
Apparently, I want to rip apart flower petals
I want to step on roses
I want to tear apart dandelions
And rip everything up from the roots
The second a flower blooms within me
I deprived it of light and water and watch it wilt

Why can't I let the beauty in my life flourish
Why didn't I hold that flower gently
Protect it from this harsh, harsh world
Nurture it and water it
Tell that flower she's beautiful every single day
Instead of plucking apart its petals and leaving it in the dirt