I’m Sorry, Goodbye

If I had told you how many problems
You were gonna have to face
Would you have left?
If I had warned you about
Every time I'd be sittin' and cryin'
Would you have left?
If I had warned you about the truth
Would you have left?
If it had been realized how bad I was earlier on
Would you have left?
Because I have this sinking feeling that you would've
This thriving and thrashing paranoid thought
That You would've
That you regret every fight
That ended in making up
You regret consoling me
For my own inactions
My own twisted reactions
That I'm narcissistic enough
To put on the universe and mental illness
Rather than the mouth they're escaping
I'm a suicide in the making
And I could've told you from the start
But I didn't wanna break your fucking heart
And I'm fucking sorry

Would you have raised me?
To know that no matter what you taught me
No matter what you tried or how you pried
I would always stay a closed book?
Guarded by a strong mentality
That everyone's out to get me
Would you have raised me?
If you had realized
How much money
How much time
How much pain I would cause
Would you have raised me?
Cause I have this sinking feeling you wouldn't have
This pit in my stomach
Telling me you wish I hadn't been
Telling me you wished you kicked me out
A middle child lost somewhere between
The meaning of life
And the meaning of what is right
I've always been so complicated
I was never easy to deal with
I was an awful sibling
Who never shared
And never cared
And I care about so much
But I can't break down this wall
That keeps me closed off from interpersonal relationships
I can't trust you but you raised me
And this cognitive dissonance
Is enough to make me crazy
I feel like I'm being split apart
And I don't know what to do
Why you would have raised me?
Why you would have loved me?
You would've left!
You would've let someone else take care of me
I'm an abusive piece of shit
That only takes for himself
And leaves empty broken shells in my wake
How can I be any good impact on this world
If that's the mark I leave?
But it isn't really...
These mind alterations
Tell me this is my creation
When I know for a fact I make people's day
I'm the only smile that some of them may see
And I listen so carefully
To every word you say
Every lesson you guys left me with
Every day you told me about
Every time you smirk and smile
And laugh in that adorable way

I fucking hear you

And I'm sorry I can't show a response
Fitting to how much I fucking care
And how much I love you all
And I fucking love you all
And I'm sorry I can't fucking show you
I'm sorry I'm a fucking mess
And I'm sorry that I'm this depressed
I won't be a burden anymore

Just please know I love you
And please fucking forgive me



Credits
Writer(s): Matthew Bellinger
Lyrics powered by www.musixmatch.com

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