Rewind

Several years elapsed since I felt remotely whole
A nonrhythmic beat thrashing
When will I learn I cannot escape pain?
There is no control
What if I could allow myself
to feel pleasure instead of discomfort?
Take a leap of faith,
experience love and growth and not rob myself to suffer
This image of me that other's do not see,
that is the person I really want to be
Why can't I accept optimism? I covet a sense of belonging
I haven't cared so deeply
for another in what seems forever ago
Gazing at a set of eyes
that put me in a state of vulnerability
I feel meaningful when you smile and glow
I want your embrace and intimacy,
I don't want to let go
Uncertainty leads me to erase myself from the equation
Retreating to a thematic path of doubt and self harm
I wish to know what you're truly feeling
Confusion we have in common
I want this connection and bond
Thinking of you is all that gets me through each day
What if you did feel the same way?
I have a pessimistic hunch
that this potential will not remain
I already feel fearful and shattered
Why can't I survive in the moment and permit happiness?
These tears blind me
and I'm afraid to express anything profound
You're the best person I've met,
the closest friend I don't want to lose
It's been too long since I have heard such wholesome words
Your amity means so much and it hurts
I want to feel love, which most don't perceive
I want to feel love
Thinking of you is all that gets me through each day
What if you did feel the same way?
Thinking of you is all that gets me through each day
What if you did feel the same way?
My heart is pounding out of my chest
And I want it to stop