Holding On

Holding on to the shame
Feeling stuck in the pain
Just want to abstain
But I'm too trapped in the fear
Of being something

Don't know what I've been running from
Just trying to find some peace
Cos I lost a piece of me and I've been scattered ever since
But I can't stop for just one second to see the pain that lies beneath
So they tell you to be strong
Just stay busy, grit your teeth
Just keep filling every crack till your hanging by an inch
Just be normal, just be happy
Have you tried a gratitude list?
Well, have you felt each waking moment swallowing you up in an abyss?
Have you numbed out so damn hard each day feels harder to exist?

So don't promise me tomorrow
When you don't hear a word I say
You've been lying to yourself
You're no different
We're all the same
Comparing all our vices, like it's a narcissistic game
When will you look inside and realise, you're the only one to blame

Holding on to the shame
Feeling stuck in the pain
Just want to abstain
But I'm too trapped in the fear
Of being something

So now I'm scratching at the surface
I feel these walls are closing in
Yeah I hear the sounds of sirens
Maybe it's too late to start again
I'm fuelled up like an avenger, revenge a state of sin
So I'm reflecting on my past, and all that I have been
You see mistakes have washed their charm and I'm left empty and spread thin
And now my heart is pouring out, but yet no tears be falling
Fuck playing victim, I'mma rise, these inner battles I will win
Yeah cos today I gained new eyes, started transforming from within

Holding on to the shame
Feeling stuck in the pain
Just want to abstain
But I'm too trapped in the fear
Of being something

Ready or not, fuck your lies, I make them cry
All fired up, snip ties, new state of of mind
Go higher, part skies, my time to shine
Body whisper, ishtar, we are divine
Now I know I'm enough, how I grew made me tough
Faced the dark, and I rose up
Screw being normal, everybody has a hurdle
Took my experience, owned my difference, now I'm stronger
My gift is persistence
Shifting mindset with my presence
I'm lifting doubts with awareness
Essence unbreakable
Truth is I'm grateful
My soul spoke its message
She said speak on your knowledge
Expressive endeavours flowed out like a charm
Disarmed all the carnage and wreckage

Holding on, holding on to the shame
Feeling stuck in the pain
Just want to be, be somebody