Covid Carols! (Christmas Parody Medley)

This year, Christmas music is a lie!

It's the most god-awful time of the year
(The most god-awful time of the year)
With the kids not out sledding
The virus that's spreading
There's one thing that's clear
(One thing's abundantly clear)
It's the most god-awful time of the year
Used to be wonderful
Now it's just no fun

Folks are still hosting parties
And not feeling sorry
When Grandma comes down with the COV
(With the COV)

Folks are kissing and shopping
The droplets keep dropping
It's worse than it was months ago
Months ago

On the first day of COVID, corona gave to me
An uptick in my anxiety

On the second day of COVID, corona gave to me
Two coughing lungs
And an uptick in my anxiety

On the twelfth month of COVID, corona gave to me
Twelve wipes a-wiping
Eleven series bingeing
Ten fingers scrubbing
Nine uncles Zooming
Eight breads a-baking
Seven drinks a-guzzling
Six hairs a-graying
Five panicked Bings
Four calming words
Three scared friends
Two coughing lungs
And an uptick in my anxiety
(Minor key)

Mary did you know you're not paranoid
For staying in isolation
Mary did you know you're not paranoid
Your fear could save the nation

Did you know you're not paranoid
For keeping safe inside
(You're safe inside)
This panic for the virus
Is why you haven't died... yet

Have yourself a scary COVID Christmas (Christmas)
Let your lungs feel tight
(Not breathing right)
From now on your loved ones will stay out of sight
Whoa, whoa, six feet away, please

Through New year's you'll wish you were together (Together)
But that's not allowed
(What's that about?)
Should have stayed at home instead of going out
Shoulda stayed home-a
No need to roam-a
Now you got stuck with corona
So have yourself a scary COVID Christmas now

Hark! now Doctor Fauci speaks
Hope it's only six more weeks
Social distance is our task
Why don't people wear a mask?

If we'd heeded Tony's tune
Could have beat this bug in June
We just had to hang with friends
Now we're at home 'til who knows when

Hark! now Doctor Fauci speaks
Hope that it's only six more weeks

Where the hell's my sense of time?
Every week feels like a year
How is it not still July?
When can I get out of here?

Co-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-rona
How slow can this day go?
Co-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-rona
How slow can this day...
Ho ho ho
Oh no!

Here coughs Santa Claus, here coughs Santa Claus
What's he doin' out here?
(Shoulda stayed home)
Vixen and Blitzen, we're all in danger
He's gonna spread more than cheer
(Spread the rona)

Every kid'll get sick on Christmas
That'd be a terrible sight
(Terrible sight, yeah)
So take him back to the North Pole above
'Cause Santa Claus coughs tonight

It's alright because
All I want for Christmas is a new vaccine
A new vaccine, whee! a new vaccine
Gee if we could only get a new vaccine
Then I could save my failing business

That got dark, super dark
Wait a minute, when'd it get so dark

It's the most god-awful time
(Not a wonderful time)
It's the most god-awful time
(Christmas music is a lie)
It's the most god-awful time
Of this god-awful year
The most terrible, horrible
No good, very bad year
Wear a mask!