Solitary Adolescence

Food for thought, hoping I carry a pain that was dead and buried
It resurface kinda scary
I've been living in thrillers sicker than salmonella
Open my heart like a Manila
I betcha someone can feel it
Baby born in the dark
Innocent, imma tend to it
Looking for open arms to come visit with imma feel a bit
Never can find a reciprocal relationship
I've been going through storms, with nobody to cater with
I've been overboard and I've been over the boat
I've been pouring my soul, I've been writing in notes
Wander in seas almost drowning, never knowing how to float
Asking me are you sane, then I know I gotta bolt
On my knees praying for change
Maybe he wanna change
Maybe he don't wanna be a person left in the game
Thinking in ways pain was necessary for gain
Made a decision that left somebody dead in the rain
Calling on God and saying I did some terrible things
Can you find a place in your heart and bring me to your ways
Pops I got his name, but he never made a claim
Mom died and ever since I been living in shame
Lurking in the streets, always looking for beef
If I catch you looking at me, I might resort to the heat
But I'm tired of being angry, cause I could never sleep
Before my eyelids shut, I'm hoping you take a peek

I've been going through this stuff alone
All I've ever knew was on my own
I've been aching
Trust no one, they shady
Trauma since a baby
Need a ultimatum
Weeping I can't take it
Promise I'm not faking
Fill this void up maybe
I need you come free me

So give me all of it
Yea I want all of it
Money, riches, and fame
Don't rebuttal I don't want arguments
Enough to fill me up and a surplus I don't wanna bargain with
Homies died and the struggle done made me into a harder man
Don't care about feelings I've been iller since the beginning
Sick of the bottom never had a limit to my ceiling
I've been insane since I've formulated from a membrane
Symptoms of a child who been going through some heart strain
Rough stage didn't have a vein when the love came
Couldn't carry blood till his name made a engrain
I was on the verge, tryna fight the urge
Tryna pull me back into a path that made me hurt
You don't even know
Where I had to go
Places that just led me to puppeteering show
No strings attached I was still under control
Riches in abundance is definition of poor
When I'm crying streams
Leaking through my soul
A necessary thing, to give it all a go
Forgive me of the dreams, of ever wanting more
When I had it all, I kicked you out the door
I know pride is the fall and humble is to grow
So take me with my flaws so I can be restored
I'm breaking through the walls with pieces that carry songs
I just wanna be a feature on the day you take me home