My Fate

What's my fate
Lemme take a minute to take in all of the pain
If I take a second, I reckon I can relate
I know how you feeling deep down, it's a shame
But you know you're not the only one, cause we're the same
I guess I'm insane if I don't know how to wait for the right date
Put the money in the crate
Every time I create a song I make it cremate
Cause when I murder the beat, it's going up in the flames
But I feel like I'm burning too
I feel like I'm hurting with everything I do
I just want some friends, I wanna join the crew
But nobody seem to care when I tell em I'm new
Cause I moved from a place where the sky is blue
Now it's raining and I think I'm through with the people who tryna get the truth
They don't know me til they under my roof
I used to watch young actors make it
They look so happy, and they don't fake it
They talk about their parents and how they raised them
But then I look at all the rappers and I face it
I realize they could have been wasted
If they didn't have the strength to keep racing
Cause rappers come from the dirt, they hate it
I guess I'm pretty good, cause I don't live in a basement
And now I feel selfish, cause I'm sad
I have it all, a good school, a good dad
But sometimes my family makes me mad
I don't know why I feel this bad
I look at the pen and the pad
When I write this song, I think about what I've had
If I gave it up to rap with Simbi and Caz, would I be happy or would I jump the cab
But it's always on to the next ting
The next day, the next song I sing
I don't have time to think about how my life would be if I turned out differently
The whole year when I was in quarantine, DaVan was a true friend
He helped me get on my feet and plant the seed
Before I knew it I was recording the next week
And Doug was a real one, he was testy
Tryna tell me how to get better on the stream
It was easy
Until I realized some of my friends turned against me
They were hating
Cause I was playing my tracks in the West Wing
They were jealous because I had a link with people like Kaleigh and KXNEKI
I was doing fine until I got bullied
Some people thought I was lazy
Cause I didn't have a way for anyone to pay me
So I got distrokid and started raving
Spazzing out on the tracks on the daily
I still took acting classes cause I didn't want it to feel hazy
If I could rap, I could act, it was simple as that
It was one step closer to maybe
Fast forward to when I met Jabez Z
He was doing reaction videos to music
He heard my songs and he went crazy
Maybe I'm not so bad after all, I think
But that wasn't the problem, the problem was me
I don't care about the clout, I just wanna see if the kids with fame are as accepting as the people I meet on the street
Like, what if I walked down the road and a crowd passed by
They wouldn't be looking at me
They'd be looking at Jett Klyne
And he would try to avoid the guys flashing the cameras real high
I bet I could save him the trouble and take him to DBro's house
And he would say, "Whoa, that's fly
But I guess it'll never happen
You know why
Cause people don't care about my life
It doesn't matter whether I'm shy or an extrovert
I'll always hurt
And no one can take that away, not even with words
In time you'll come to learn that everybody gets some type of surge
Excitement or power, we all wanna purge
But I just wanna merge
I guess I concur that when I die, somebody's gonna have what I earned
Y'know sometimes I wanna run away
Go meet my friend Gordon and tell him how I feel that day
Maybe then I'll be ok
But I got tears in my eyes, now I just see gray
I know it's late, but I can't stop thinking about the hate
The color is drained from my face
I know I have a role in this place, but I can't figure it out, someone tell me
What's my fate