reflections.

I got to find peace of mind

I been fighting my demons
Punching and kicking, I just can't sit there in sorrow
Claiming it all for no reason, all the bullies and doubt defeated
All the friends that I made with this rap shit gave me the reason to keep on goin'
But sometimes I get low and the rain start pouring (I got to find peace of mind)
(And my mind says) Is they true that they like me for me, or they just feel bad for me?
Second one more likely, but it's not true, I know they like me for me
I can do anything that I want to if I put my mind to it
But the problem is, my mom played tricks on me on some demon shit (I got to find peace Of mind)
Ever since first grade, classmates stayed distant 'cause I was labeled different
Third grade, my teacher told my dad, before 18, I'd be dead or in prison
'Cause I was fighting too much, but what she failed to mention was
I was getting bullied and the rage was because I had enough (Yeah, I had enough- I got To find peace of mind)
I could take they words, but I wanted to see if they could take a punch
At home wasn't great, one brother choking and punching me
The other one out clubbing and fucking sluts
Then I stayed with my aunt-in-law for some months
She was no better, you wouldn't believe she was a religious nut (I got to find peace of
Mind)
She would constantly put my self-esteem down, and for no reason, slap me up
And took the watch that my dad left me before he died
And threw it in the trash, man, what the fuck
But I take all the pain they gave me and apply myself to be the best me
The best MC, the best entertainer, the best person I can be (I got to find peace of mind)

If you ask me if I'm okay, I'm a lie and say I'm great
If I die today, I hope I will see the pearly gates
Pearly gates (I got to find peace of mind)

Yeah, when I die, I hope I see Heaven's gates
But I know that may not come to fruition
There are just too many sins that I done made
For my name to not be made an omission
From the Book Of Life that God keeps in his hands
In fact, I guess he's already strikes me
'Cause when I rise to go face His holy light
The sins of my deeds will be enough to condemn me (I got to find peace of mind)
But I guess from the beginning, I didn't start off the best
Cause my dad couldn't keep his hands to himself
If my mom did something that put him to the test
He would wail on her 'til there were spots on her self
So at 4 months old, my mom took me and left
To ensure me and her would be safe
But because of this bastard, I never had a dad
And now I'm ashamed I even share his name! (I got to find peace of mind)
And as for the family I ended up with
Well, they aren't that great as well
A couple of my aunts are alcoholics, another one's smoking out all of her health
And as for my cousins, well, they're OK, I guess
But one of them refuses to progress with his life
And as for the other two, we don't even talk (I got to find...)
'Cause I was always the odd kind of guy (...peace of mind)
I never really fit in any circle of friends
So for most of my life, I was an outcast
Whatever few I picked up, they didn't last 'till the end
So now the only friends that I have live thousands
Of miles away from my self
That ain't too great for my mental health
'Cause every night when I go to bed, I fall asleep feeling alone and depressed (I got to Find peace of mind)
And it doesn't help that all of the pressure that I been facing
Has alienated me from the people I love
Cause when the people you love demand you conform to be loved
The only thing you can do is just run
And I've already lost my faith because of that
'Cause I pushed the boundaries of religion, and dared to question their facts
And now I have to lower the volume when I listen to raps
Else my mom will hear the cursing and go on the attack (I got to find peace of mind)
And I'll have to fight back, and we'll scream and throw words
And it will always escalate 'till it goes bad for me
'Cause I will say or do something that'll make her tears flow and her heart go bleed
And then she'll put me in a mental hospital, or a homeless shelter
Or just leave me on the streets
But what can I say except that's where I deserve to be
When I see my reflection as a dirty shell of meat, my God (I got to find peace of mind)

If you ask me if I'm okay, I'm a lie and say I'm great (I fucking hate this, I hate myself, I Hate my life)
If I die today, I hope I will see the pearly gates (I wanna fucking die, nobody fucking Loves me, I don't fucking love me anymore)
Pearly gates (I got to find peace of mind- Just, fuck, can somebody take me from this Nightmare already, please?!)

Why do I feel this way? Voices inside my brain
Telling me that I'm ready to hang, it can heal up all the pain
I can take it all away
No longer wanna live this way, wanna see the blood that's in my veins
Then I hear angels say (Find peace of mind)
But, tell me, where is the peace?
My whole life, been searching, been looking for sympathy
I often wonder, if I'm no longer here, if those people I love will remember me
I feel like there's a common enemy, see, I know someone out there is feeling me
Yeah, I know you out there, and you just tryna find peace of mind
Please don't give up, don't listen to the whispers with wicked intentions
I was beat down, but God told me, "Get up"
Couldn't let a human teach me religion
Know too many victims of the church, but if you do your own research
I can promise that it all works
Not saying you can fix it all, but you could (Find peace of mind)
If life a movie, don't walk out the theater
Strap up in Adidas, no dragging your feet, bruh, make them a believer
Because everything happens for a reason
You might go through it, just to get through it
Someone might go through the same things that you did
And you might be the one to say, "Don't do it!"
(You'll never know if you don't live to prove it)