Tag Team

The following contest is scheduled for one fall
Introducing first a man who's done and seen and said it all
I get so lonely as the greatest main everter yall have seen
Prayed on it and feel like it's time I form myself a tag team
Mad scene, to break into the mainstream
I need a bushwacking brother that'll lick the face of mene gene
That's why I called yall, to this boarded up dance hall
Why should you be in my corner when we face our next brawl?

I'm Feeble Jacobus, fans call me Weak Jake
You've seen me win a title but that was a deepfake
I keep as a keepsake the belt that I spray painted
I'm a little inauthentic but that's the refrain, ain't it
My signature move, The Inflated Rep, should be embarrassing
That's how I keep you looking good in comparison

Well my friend, I reviewed the footage and the documents
Let's try to get somebody in here who has real accomplishments

Make a briefcase out of meat and bring it ringside
First I'd betray you but then I'd save you
Before too long we'd be the main event on pay-per-view

Gotta say I appreciate the long term booking
It's important that we always have a storyline a-cooking
But also you admitted that you're coming out for my head
So with due respect I think we're gonna find out who is next

Knock knock
Who's there?
Doc Pop, but who cares?
I get winded when I go up the stairs
Pulling out my hair with my mask and I ask
What was the question again?
I get confused
Who are you?

I'm the Beefy T
Striving hard for a victory
And speaking honestly I don't think you're the one for me
Though I love you choke out people with a yo-yo
The fact that you're more out of shape than me is just a no go

They call me mailer swift still spamming all these ringside hits
I bang these bits into the buckle with my fingertips
My peoples elbow waving hello ain't no carpal tunnel
I'm still that dude to get you circling down my click-through funnel
I tear my shirt off its a nerd off in the center stage
My royal rumble never humble check that wiki page
Keep it 100 ain't no kayfabe in the way i live
I'm still that hacker hacking kicking flows up out my crib

Oh my god
Could it be?
It is!
The one that the prophecy foretold
To lead us to championship gold
Oh wait
I've just been handed a report
Oh no
Stiff upper lip

Well YT baby love to have you on board
We'd get the title belts and t-shirts saying spamtec is lord
There's nobody i'd rather on side in a slugfest
Unfortunately, there's no way you're passing the drug test

I don't give a fuck don't pick me, orange cassidy
Legend like danny havoc, lightbulb swinging dastardly
No hulkamaniac, seeking a deathmatch feel
Both boots on your nuts and then I turn heel

While you enjoy picking tacts out of your sausages
I'm trying to sell my merch to children in the audience
Hope we're not competing at the same time and day
Lemme hear from someone who's not so TV-MA

Stand back Beefy, 'cause I'm 'bout to exhale nasty
Pass me that sephora organic so I can wrap these
Clapties, i'm a national panic but you can't catch me
Actually, they just gonna catch hands if they attack me
Crafty when i hit 'em with the sub-ohm smash
Or wrap my knee around their neck that's called the asthma attack
'Cause when you tag me in you know i will enforce ohm's law
And they'll be crushed beneath my heel
The one and only Victor Teslacog

Hey Victor make no mistake, my friend we all get that you vape
But you should know you cannot get a flavored juice in my state
My time has been all a waste
I think I would rather turn face
I'll just roll solo cause teaming up with yall would be a dis

Actually, Tanner, do you want to be my tag team partner?

Hmmm
Ok

Yeah? Dope!