Friday Night Funkin' the Musical

Do you smoke? Do you drink?
Do your armpits tend to stink?
Why'd you dye your messy hair?
Do you change your underwear?

Sorry, we should really go
We were here to see a show
Meeting you's been such a treat
Yo, your dad is super sweet

Maybe... I wasn't clear
You two... are staying here
Tell me... about your work?
You got a job, you little jerk-

Yeah about that
No, sir, I'm still in school
Learning... is pretty cool?
One day... with my degree-
You'll never be as good as me

No one dates my daughter 'till they earn the right
(This may seem impolite)
I don't know you. I don't like you. There's no chance I might
(But we were... not planning to invite)
And nothing brings me more malicious and depraved delight
(Our parents... don't take this as a slight)
Than to bury Girlfriend's boyfriend on a funkin' Friday night!
(Enjoy the... rest of your funkin' Friday night)

Going somewhere, cutie?
MOM?
Is your father terrorizing your boyfriend again?
Don't worry, I'll handle it from here

Do you spit or pick your nose?
Own a gun? Wear women's clothes?
Suck your thumb or bite your nails?-
Get beaten up by alpha males?

Listen lady-
Call me Mom-
Normally, I'm much more calm
But tonight, I'm on a date
So all these questions gotta wait

Got any moles or warts?
Rashes of any sort?
Do you eat human meat?
Suckle at the devil's teat?

What does... that even mean?!
I'm just... a normal teen!
Do you know the muffin man?!
Or have a Roth retirement plan?

No one dates our daughter 'till they earn the right
(This may seem impolite)
We don't know you. We don't like you. There's no chance we might
(But we were... not planning to invite)
And nothing brings us more malicious and depraved delight
(Our parents... don't take this as a slight)
Then to bury Girlfriend's boyfriend on a funkin' Friday night!
(Enjoy the... rest of your funkin' Friday night)

ENOUGH!
I'm not gonna let you guys ruin this date!
Come on, we're outta here
You brought your henchmen?!
Backup dancers, sweetie
With some real killer moves

Please give your perspective
On modern non-objective art!
Sorry, no thanks... I gotta be frank
That we're due to depart

Do you have tattoos?
What size are the shoes you're wearing?
We need to know, has your appendix been removed?
What's your blood type? Been to Spain?
(No- Yes- About 11)
Were you ever potty trained?
(O, I guess, around age seven)
Do you recycle glass and cans?
(I don't see how)
Tell us all your future plans-
(These questions matter now-)

QUIET!
Mom, Dad... since you've shown up
Things have... really blown up!
Look at me! I'm a grown-up!
I can make my own decisions!

Girlfriend, don't be silly
Do you think he's really
Good enough for you?
Is this the best you can do?-

Sure, he's... not drop-dead gorgeous
Smells like Old Spice and oranges
I don't really mind
Plus they say that love is blind!

Does he... brush twice a day?
Eat gluten... soy, eggs, or whey?
See, you don't even know!
This dumb kid has got to go!

(You're being so unfair!)
Listen, pumpkin
(He's not a creep, I swear!)
Go on, dump him-
(We'll be together... forever!)
Don't protest
(Our kids will have blue hair!)
We know best!

Girlfriend ain't your girlfriend, so get out of sight!
(I know that I'm not quite)
((Boyfriend cannot date you 'till he earns the right!))
(((I don't care if you're right)))

She's a winner. You're a loser, and you know I'm right!
(Some kind of... Greek god or shining knight)
((He just met you -- barely knows you -- but I'm scared he might!))
(((I love him... just as he is despite)))

I hope this domineering message ain't becoming trite
(Your daughter... still thinks that I'm alright)
((You're clearly smitten with his wit and, yes, he seems polite))
(((He's not a... big star or socialite)))

So go be someone else's boyfriend on your funky Friday night!
(So maybe... don't wreck her funky Friday night)
((But Boyfriend needs a different girlfriend for his))
((Funky Friday night!))
(((He's just a... great date for a funky Friday night!)))

Are you hard of hearing or just not too bright?
(It's clear we aren't that tight)
((This discussion's over. I won't have this fight!))
(((You're always so uptight!)))

I won't let my darling daughter date a parasite!
(But maybe... one day, you'll see the light)
((Why'd we ever let you sign up for that dating site?!))
(((And Dad is... all bark and zero bite!)))

So beat it! Scram! Vamoose! Get lost! And don't forget to write
(And then we'll... get past this and unite)
((He may seem positively dreamy -- straight up dynamite))
(((Whatever! Go fly a flippin' kite!)))

Cause you're no longer Girlfriend's boyfriend on this funky
(Around our... shared love of funkin')
((But Boyfriend's still a swinging single on this funkin'))
(((You're not the... boss of my funky)))

Friday night!