Aza's Candle

Don't blow out you candle, Aza
Don't blow it out -- just keep breathing
Inhale deeply, exhale slowly
Do it until the anxiety stops
Enough to make the flame flicker, but not enough to extinguish it
But it's not working today
Nothing works today

The hydroxyzine is mostly useless as usual, but I took one anyway
So I guess I'll just take another and stand here and breathe
Breathe on your candle, Aza
Breathe and hope it passes eventually
It always does
But it always comes back
But it always passes
But it always comes back

Four hours later, it's passed but it's still there
It's poised, lurking around in the back of my mind
It's a scared, lonely animal and I am its cage:
My bars are made of dialectical behavioral techniques and psychiatric drugs
But even the bars disintegrate from time to time,
And I'm left alone with the animal and my candle
It wants me to be sure so that it knows it can be safe
At least for a little while

One day later and the flame has gotten so small that I'm afraid to blow on it
It flickers all on its own and I don't know if it's going to stay lit or blow out
I'm trying to hold on but it's gripping me so tightly

Don't blow out your candle, Aza