Ready for Love

I asked the universe why it would do this thing to me
It said, "I'm mostly empty space and not a sentient being
But if you must know certain truths, there is some scheming above
And I shouldn't say who would test you, but it's not who you're thinking of

Why would a loving god do hateful things and take your joy away
To prove a point about benevolence (To a rival, by the way)
No, Yahweh did not wager you in a losing bet by-gum-ah
That's not who wants to know if you're tough enough to withstand such melodrama

You see, the only prophet who ever nailed it, hit her on the head
Was the crazed monk Simeon O'Bummer, on an asylum floor, he etched her
As a nineteen foot tall raven goddess with eighteen breasts and seven tongues
This is the deity who wants to see if you're ready for love

So when you kneel to say your prayers at night, think of old Gar-bu-vis-neit
And her fire breath of sulfur, and her soul-devouring need
To fire off her Cupid's arrow to deserving worshipees
She's got her black hole void cyclops eye on you so you'd best her desires heed

'Cause there's a lake of fire beneath this world you traipse so casually
And it's not the devil you know you gotta worry about, it's Simeon's Garbuvisneit
So when some pretty little flower comes to broaden your heart's horizons
Just take care 'cause you've been prepared by your life's fate-filled tribulations
To carry the load of one more with yours and not let each other down

Or another way to play it
Is to simply life free
And behave as though anyone you know
Might be so great and see"