self aware

Where am I now?
Where will I go?
Thinking bout these questions
Seventeen and got nothing to show
Obsession with rap, but what can I do with that
I'm supposed to college get a job to make my wallet fat

I mean when I write my lyrics, they hear it and don't call it whack
But that was meant to be the main plan, not the one for falling back on
I'm talking bout these rap songs
When my voice turns the track on
And it's fire like a dragon
Dedication simply that strong

But how am I gonna pursue this, when they hear my music
And they not asking "who this?"
Got me feeling the bluest
And me? I'm just a student
But fluent in creating worlds with pens like a cartoonist
Or Lucasfilms with Chewbacca

But my papa wants me to be a lawyer or doctor
And to proctor at a dorm, then conform to society
But I'm an author of verses these rappers inspire me
If I didn't have a penny, would anyone wire me

Do I need an Emmy, bottles of Henny for notoriety
You think this song is the realest, listen to the prior 3
Need my eyes to see and focus on what don't leave me hopeless
But will I actually make it if I just put in the mostest?

At a shifting point in my life, the crossroads of a locus
A poet writing the dopest songs and hoping that people notice
Bottle my emotions in potions then take them in doses
The closest I've been to going bogus is when I lay down roses
Leaving me frozen, hoping for motives, or diagnosis

Of neurosis or psychosis to explain all these explosive
Thoughts in my brain, they just caught up with my pain
So distant from the conversation with Noah until this shit is over
Corona life has been harder than a boner when your girl is a moaner
So don't hit me on my phone, I just want to be alone
I say I'm self conscious, I'd say more self aware
The wouldn'tdifference is that I know I'm ugly, I just really don't care