At This Age (Poetry, Vol. 1)

You see, I'm keen on getting out alive
Cause I've seen step-fathers nearly break a family apart
Only for us four to build sand castles and let the cannons go off
Hands engulfed in flames just to watch a candle go out
The tribe sacrifice the weak, when no food is left
Always choose the animal route
Instinct
My tears could make rivers wide as Shit's creek
Bittersweet how I thought about killing myself three times
Just this week
But I'm still here
When I go through tough times, the pills appear
The walls are thin and the children hear
Silver's polished while the gold is buried
One things for certain, but they both are scary
All this shit up in my head, but my shoulder's heavy
First I feel the burn, I ease the itch with a needle flick
My fever sets in so I can't hold it steady
Please, you God still owes me peace
I was on my knees with an open mind with a whole inside
Three inch deep and we still ain't speak
Deuce-five on me cause I hold in things
I let it build till it boils then let it burn on me
Bloods thick but has a mind of its own
I've watched it run out, and still turn on me
Tell me how you handling that?
Wifey still can't drive at night, due to her panic attacks
Heartbroken at 16, I still feel the damage from that
How do you tell a father, that you never lost
That it feels like you just got him back?
My parents taught me lessons I could never forget
Like how to burn a bridge down or build one from the ground
To keep the family intact
Casper the ghost whip, the interior black
My list of problems long as a samurai sword with the serial scratched
Lost in translation
I done stared at my reflection while the mirror was cracked
Besides my brother or my mother
There ain't another name I would tat
Sit back, relax, watch me tap into my memory bank
Cruising down 36, off eight, with bout half in the tank
Around the same time I learned my armor was chinked
Hospital gown, hour to live, and the audio blank
Jaw clenched, door cracked, but I close it in rage
Living with my guard up, I was never good at opening things
My chest weak, heart beats, although I'm hoping it fades
My childhood friends, all thought I'd be worse by this stage
Back to bus rides with the audio tapes
Sophomore who self-destructs
I wouldn't stop until another part of me breaks
Started penning poems like I knew what heart was
Or why it would ache
Soulmates, loose change, at this age, we all lost a few things
Soulmates, loose change, at this age, we all lost a few things