The Monologue

Let me explain what I've been through
Judge me after you walk up in my shoes
Father bounced 'fore I could open up my eyes
Picked on in school,my mama didn't date guys
Wanted to protect her, so I thought of many lies
And I swear it really be killing me inside
Rent free in my mind
My dad currently resides
Pray one day I can forgive him 'fore I die
Stubborn as hell and fall victim to pride
Feeling like life is too much
But kings never cry
Sit back with a birds eye
Take a shot of alcohol and try to analyze
Pick an instrumental, felt the need to vent
I was the shit even when I didn't have a cent
To my name
And pockets were full of lent
Grinding for days, yep time well spent
Now I'm colder than a vent in the middle of the summer
Hoes were stone cold, used to hit me with a stunner
Labeled me a scrub as I wrote down my number
Now they on some other shit, luckily I ain't a plumber
Bees start to buzz when they see you bout to blossom
Fore I was hot, told me fall back like autumn
Flashback on a tragic day, way before the streets ever once called me Zay
Think I was ten maybe elven
It was a late night probably close to seven
Staring death in the eyes, headed to heaven
Barrel of the gun pointed in my direction
Calm as hell stood in front of it trying to calm you down
Said if you shoot I may get hit now
Yelled get back in the car
Seen the steam blowing up out of your ears
Years later letting you down and death are two of my biggest fears
Staring in the mirror like how did I get here
How did I get here
How the hell did I get here
Sometimes I just sit and reminisce
Hoping tomorrow is better than this
Asking why like my name was Jadakiss
Caught in my ways
Busy as hell
Mayne I really need to pray