Loveless

I feel like a housewife in a loveless marriage with myself
My inner child is a handful, my bookshelf
It is neglected, all the stories left unread
And God I used to live so many lives

Talking to the ghosts on my walk home
To the notes in my cellphone
To myself, and I remind her that I like to be alone

What kind of friend would I even be
What kind of person would I wanna meet
Am I really happy on my own
Do I really wanna throw away my phone

I wonder if it's easier for me to let myself care
When the other person doesn't really wanna be there
'Cause I get scared

I try so damn hard to make everything my fault, don't I? Don't I
I try so damn hard to make everything my fault, but I lie. Do I

Maybe it's all in my head, but the internet says
ADHD hurts couples, for bisexuals the risk of abuse doubles
My remaining instincts left with you, but am I lying through my teeth
Am I lying through my teeth

'Cause I'm haunted by my shifting approach withdrawal
Am I ever gonna really wanna fall
Am I ever gonna really wanna fall

And I'm at my happiest when I'm lonely as hell
I miss voices but my choice is to hide in the silence
It's too goddamn loud in my head when I don't leave my bed
But I need the peace and I can't take any other kinda noise

I try so damn hard to make everything my fault, don't I? Don't I
I try so damn hard to make everything my fault, but I lie. Do I

I try so damn hard to make everything my fault, don't I? Don't I
I try so damn hard to make everything my fault, but I lie. Do I

History is bound to be repeated and I'm terrified
'Cause when I said I never wanna try again I think I lied
I think I, I think I lied
I think I, I think I lie