Mungojerrie and Rumpelteazer

The greatest magicians have something to learn
From Mister Mistoffelees' conjuring turn

Mungojerrie and Rumpelteazer were a notorious couple of cats
As knockabout clowns
Quick-change comedians
Tight-rope walkers and acrobats
They had an extensive reputation
They made their home in Victoria Grove
That was merely their centre of operation
For they were incurably given to rove

If the area window was found ajar
And the basement looked like a field of war
If a tile or two came loose on the roof
Which presently ceased to be waterproof
If the drawers were pulled out from the bedroom chests
And you couldn't find one of your winter vests
Or after supper one of the girls
Suddenly missed her Woolworth pearls

Then the family would say, "It's that horrible cat
It was Mungojerrie or Rumpelteazer"
And most of the time
They left it at that

Mungojerrie and Rumpelteazer had an unusual gift of the gab
They were highly efficient cat burglars as well
And remarkably smart at a smash and grab
They made their home in Victoria Grove
They had no regular occupation
They were plausible fellows
Who liked to engage
A friendly policeman in conversation

When the family assembled for Sunday dinner
Their minds made up that they wouldn't get thinner on
Argentine joint, potatoes and greens
Then the cook would appear from behind the scenes
And say in a voice that was broken with sorrow
"I'm afraid you must wait and have dinner tomorrow
The joint has gone from the oven like that!"

Then the family would say, "It's that horrible cat
It was Mungojerrie or Rumpelteazer"
And most of the time
They left it at that

Mungojerrie and Rumpelteazer had a wonderful way of working together
And some of the time you would say it was luck
And some of the time you would say it was weather
They'd go through the house like a hurricane
And no sober person could take his oath
Was it Mungojerrie or Rumpelteazer?
Or could you have sworn that it might have been both?
And when you heard a dining room smash
Or up from the pantry there came a loud crash
Or down from the library came a loud ping
From a vase which was commonly said to be Ming

Then the family would say, "Now which was which cat?
It was Mungojerrie and Rumpelteazer
And there's nothing at all to be done about that"

And there's nothing at all to be done about that