Privately Owned Spiral Galaxy

Thought cycle gusty, a mind filled with hot air
Must I care for nothing more than myself?
Do I dare admit the fraught thoughts cavorting?
Resorting in inner-directed mourning
For the part of me that was selfless, that left without a warning

Well, that's what I said, but maybe it's the fact that I detest
This obsession with myself that leaves a mess inside my head
Oh shit, I'm doing it again, repelling any potential friend
Revealing my innate ability to never fully comprehend
Anything bigger than myself, but in the end I still pretend
Condescend anyone polite enough to choose to misspend their time

Watching me as I achieve my secret social mission
To drain people with my boring stories and opinions
To see the bigger picture takes intelligence and wisdom
But I won't see nothing with just myself in my vision

I go outside; a blitz of faces unwilling to confess to any empathy
Endlessly, incessantly declining any pleasantries
Heavily breathing, socially teething, I'm open like a vivisection
Intense tendency to dwell, seething over misconnections

Infected by my perceptions that I'm a non-entity
Project my insecurity until intensity is weaponry
Grieving a heavenly fiction I perceived whilst I was dreaming
Awake, freezing, wheezing, fundamentally I'm still believing that

This is an elegy for concepts I conceived in deep sleep
As I helplessly watch them fade whilst I awake, I try and keep them alive
Incomparable with life, but eventually they die
And the brain I used to cultivate reveals my lovers were a lie

But when inside my mind, I find a way to replicate reality
Through lucid dreaming, I decimate the limitations of actuality
Capacity practically eternal, mortality external
No God, but I investigate the blasphemous worship of the nocturnal

Internally existing without morality
Creates profanities without the travesty
And compared to the apathy of realness, I reveal my own insanity
The majesty of fantasy protects me from tragedy
Normality's effects traject the agony of rationality
Which thankfully penetrates with no avail to my unreality
An elaborately designed privately owned spiral galaxy

Financially, I'm failing
Naturally decaying
Soon I'll have no place safe to sleep if these bills still need paying
Displaying cravings with open eyes for something mind-expanding
When I drift away, I see the totality of understanding