Self Quarantine

When I was little I used to play by myself
Not many friend cause I didn't want any help
That's what I felt
Like they was in the way
Fast forward I'm 38 and still feel the same way
A grown introvert
The reality hurts
The casualties worse
Of people who really cared
Cut em off
No feelings
Just a blank stare
Saying oh well life isn't fair
Keep moving
Dang
Like that was really me
That's a cold scene like something seen on tv
Flip of a switch and I'm quick to get pissed
And your quick to get dissed dismissed n thrown n my abyss
Yes I was really that cold
Don't test me
Cause I was really that bold
I'm older now look back at my destruction
And I'm sick because I find it disgusting
Have one sibling
Thank God he's still living
But times ticking I haven't fixed what I broke
Never that close
I pushed him away
Both shared the same pain
Yet went separate ways
Tried to get right with my dad
But
Still mad from the anger I had
Sought advice to mend what I tore
Never got the chance
Found him dead on the floor

Can't see em coming down my eyes so I gotta make this song cry
Never see em coming down my eyes so I gotta make this song cry

What does it profit to lie
No profit to act ok when you struggle on the inside
Push it aside
It's erratic it comes back
Smacks you harder then a panic attack
I know you've had that
How many pills have you took in your life
Just to get you through life
God this really can't be life
You
Gave us life
So we can be free
I'm restless in this place
There's days I wanna flee
Listen been a witness like a deposition
It's why I hurt
Pray we get to know our worth
Some people search only to fall apart
Life is hard
We're just human and were really scared
Still healing from the mess I made
But amazed how God gets us through our toughest days
The roughest waves cease when he appears
Keep him near
Promise he's able to take away your deepest fears

Can't see em coming down my eyes so I gotta make this song cry
Never see em coming down my eyes so I gotta make this song cry