Pretend You Love Me

I was just a kid, but I learned much too fast
Found the internet way too young, a scar that would last
And you know that I hate thinking someone else did this to me
But I had all the resources because of your enabling
And sometimes I wonder if I didn't hurt so bad
Would I have been more lovable to my mom and my dad
If I went back in time to see six year old me
I'd say this shit does not get better, this is who you're meant to be and

I'm a monster so you say
And I do this on purpose anyway
I need to feel this pain
So I can try to crawl away when you say my name
Hold me down and scream at me
Said this is where I deserve to be
So keep pretending you love me
And I'll believe you although you never show it to me

"Wow, you're such a quiet kid", they all would say to me
Don't call me an old soul when I'm just unhappy
You treated me like an adult when I was still so young
You ask what you did wrong, but you fucking knew it all along
I know that I was difficult or that's how you felt
But I was told that I was selfish when I needed fucking help
I remember when I lied to you, I ran away and hid
But you didn't have to hurt me, I was just a little kid
I was just a little kid and now I'm still a little kid and

I'm a monster so you say
And I do this on purpose anyway
I need to feel this pain
So I can try to crawl away when you say my name
Hold me down and scream at me
Said this is where I deserve to be
So keep pretending you love me
I'll believe you, I'll believe you

I'm a monster so you say
And I do this on purpose anyway
I need to feel this pain so I can
So I can try to crawl away when you say my name
Hold me down and scream at me
Said this is where I deserve to be
So keep pretending you love me
I'll believe you, but you never show it to me