Bedtime Stories

I owe it to myself to get better
There was a time when I actually thought I would drown
Into all of my feelings for all of eternity
There isn't no healing from the point of suicide
You feel me? I almost took that road before
Years later, still having mixed feelings about it
Still have doubts
Want to shout
It feels like I'm trapped
Eternal hell
Time swells and shrinks until it looses meaning
Well of feelings with no floor and endless space inside
No place to hide from yourself no more
Drugs can let you escape
But won't get you through that door until you learn to let go
I had wandered up to Rome while roaming
Didn't realize I was trying to keep up with the Romans
Until a mysterious mix of medicine got me rolling

Careful what you call home
Environment either eats or feeds your dome
Where the fuck did I go?
I'm snorting percs, like "fucking waking up tomorrow morning"
I'm mourning my childhood
My own father beat me and broke me down
Until the day I woke up with no memories
Of who I am or who I've been
(Love you, Abu)
Sometimes even I can't relate to me
How is anybody else gon' see what I see?
But then I get reminded
That we all have our stories

This one time I was in Pakistan visiting my cousins
We found a pile of kittens all intertwined
On top of each other
They were all different colours and they were
Keeping each other warm
It was one of the most gorgeous things we'd ever seen
We were all obsessed with animals and we
Thought we could take care of them
We rushed home, got boxes, got everything we could
And came back down the street
It was just a few minutes away
But in that time someone had taken the bricks
From the pile of rubble
And thrown it over all of the kittens
And it was just a mess of organs and blood

I wonder if my childhood innocence died with that scene
Some shit's as senseless as it is obscene
Feel free to shed a tear
If you know what I mean
Or even if you don't, I'm sure you can relate
We've all had our fair share of rotting food on our plate
Born into a dismal fate
No escape
Feeling like death is already a few years late

I tried telling my sister she deserves
Someone who would respect her
I could tell it struck a chord
Her ex-husband almost ended her life
Both hands around her vocal chords
She couldn't scream for help
Hit him over the head and ran to our brother
Her skin was still purple
He told her he felt her life leaving
But he couldn't stop himself
That boy needs some help
He's had some pretty shitty cards dealt

Today my sister's smiling
With one of her daughters
My other niece with me
We making origami creases
Trying not to tear this paper apart
Living well is a delicate art
Where do we start?
We've been taking care of matters of heart
You remind me there's forgiveness on both sides
For every time
We didn't pick up the line
My phone was off
And my hands were busy trying to soften the sounds
Of my friend's (abuser's) agonized screaming
Coming through the wall
I'm aware I should have been there
But my soul was all spent and stripped bare
'Til there's nothing there
Just skin and hair
Empty shell in despair
Got me feeling like I really don't care
But in reality I'm just not all there
'Cause my wares are teared
But we dare to pair
And share our care
We in repair
Embrace our tears
We face what's there
We bear to stare our depression in the eyes and ask
"Is there some reason you're here?"

الحومدولیلاح ، اللہ تھا شکر ہے بیٹا
اللہ یالاح حفظ و امن وچ رکھے
تھے چل فیر
انشاءاللہ
ویکنڈ تھے ملاقات ہویگھی
ٹھیک ہے ؟
اپنیا خیال رحاخای
اوکے
الاحفیز!