Hopeless

Self-deprecation, isolation
I suffocate alone in this situation
Hating myself and everyone else
Who walked right by as I sit in my cell
No calling for help 'cause I don't deserve it
Put it in a bottle and hope no-one heard it
Hurting at the bottom when my heart's deserted
Wouldn't it be wonderful if the Earth stopped turning?
Yeah, cut out the lights
No one else can see me be a freak at night
I try to fix myself with every line I write
And I just can't stop 'til I get it just right
I fight against the world like it has me in a corner
Left, right, goodnight, bet you wish I warned ya
Out of sight, still in mind, feel the paranoia
Creeping all up on ya, yeah

'Cause it's hopeless, I'm useless
You're better off without me
My focus is moving
To somewhere you can't find me

After all this time trying to pick up speed
I feel myself slowing down

I gave my reflection a direction
'Cause I'm sick of sitting at the same intersection
And I'm quick at sinning while I'm chasing perfection
That's something I learned through deep introspection
Sea of dreams, but I don't dive
Where were we when dreaming died?
Wait for me to make up my mind
I'm wasting my time by making up lies
About every little thing that I'm wanting inside
Every single sin that I'm trying to hide
Am I blind? 'Cause what I want is right in front of my eyes
And I'm another day closer to the day that I die
And you'll find I'm not really that influential
But all that I can ask is don't sit on potential
'Cause potential could potentially result in a medal
The fact that we're alive is not accidental

But it's hopeless, I'm useless
You're better off without me
My focus is moving
To somewhere you can't find me

I've built up so much tension
I'm bursting at the seams
With guilt and good intentions
To chase a selfish dream
My eyes are slowly closing
My eyelids are a screen
That shows me why it's hopeless
To give up on this dream

This is Chapter One
It's only the beginning
Of the frantic cathartic artistic lyrics
Read between the lines, see behind the rhymes
And writhes of life when you rewind and listen
Everybody's starting point is out of their control
It's how you take what you're given and make with it your own
If you have a passion, but you don't have a goal
See where it goes, set up your own posts
For years I wanted my life to end
Still do at times, so now I depend
On music, fight the thoughts with a pen
By giving them a place to manifest
An identity of their own
Give insanity a home
Keep the rest of me in my dome
So both can grow on their own

But it's hopeless, I'm useless
You're better off without me
My focus is moving
To somewhere you can't find me
And I'm lying in hiding
But I know I should be climbing
These nights just remind me
There's light on the horizon