Delusions

What if I said that I didn't mean it?
Mean anything that I want to say?
What if I told you that I don't care?
Would you believe me, someday?

I try not to look, but continuously fail
I try not to think about it, but it's to no avail
The way I feel like you would try to take it all from me
This kind of pain is so fucking hard to ease

What if I said that I wanted it to stop?
The way that I want it to drop

Dead! Totally dead!
Yes, that's what I said!
I want the feelings that I have
To put themselves to bed

I'm tired of all of the illusions
Falling, getting scrapes and bruises
I want to put this all to rest
And end all of my delusions

I'll go a week without searching around
To see if you are up to something new
I can only hope we won't meet again
I am so scared of you

And I said that I
Wanted it to end
And I wanted to be fucking done

But I can't let go
My thoughts won't stop
Racing faster than the beating of the drum

Of my heart, of my soul
My gods, this is getting old
Can I please just catch a rest
I am doing my goddamn best

What if I said that I wanted it to stop?
The way that I want it to drop

Dead! Totally dead!
Yes, that's what I said!
I want the feelings that I have
To put themselves to bed

I'm tired of all of the illusions
Falling, getting scrapes and bruises
I want to put this all to rest
And end all of my delusions

Please, end all of my delusions