The Code

Yeh
Macallan twelve with that sherry oak cask
Smoking OG got me cozy, yeh, I'm running again
Escape my demons whenever I can
Poison never change
But if unavailable
Anything will really do
Long as I can hit a certain state
To erase, even if temporarily, the pain
Doing this like everyday
Being sober now a high and I hate every second of it
Only if they really knew
Hey, but that's what everyone says right, so I don't bother you
I just do my own thing
I got vices of my own to satisfy my urges
Chaos in the world since
I'm not really who they think I am, I ain't so perfect
Secrets that I have to take to my grave, I get nervous
And it might not look like it on the surface
But inside this mind there's a war
Between me and whatever's lurking inside twenty-four seven
And only reason I sleep is cuz it needs to as well

Father, I believe in hell cuz I'm already here
Prayers never leave this realm, they simply disappear
How could you dare speak like that, son, have you no fear?
Trust me, I know fear like that, sometimes I go see her
They tell me to stop, but I won't cuz I can't
It's like an endless dance, I just dance and I dance
Until I'm going mad
And I'm bashing my head against the wall
Thinking that's gonna solve it instead
Cuz nothing ever works and I doubt anything will
Just numb it with the drugs, alcohol and dollar bills
I'm saying that I love you to every girl I kill
I shoulda done it while I was still sure that's how I felt
Now I'm too afraid to jump
I can't even look at heights
Fighting demons off at night
I don't dream anymore like I used to, I don't feel alive
That's why I drink till I'm dying
Cuz the liquor like a buffer for the pain
One of the few occasions you see what's inside me

Tell me what you see, don't you lie to me
Scars on my organs from anxiety
Mind's like a Siamese twin, got two minds in me
Homie please don't try to be the fucking hero I don't need
Because that often has the opposite effect, especially
When they don't get it, they quick to turn around and point at me
Yell he's a villain, that's why I rarely share my story, see
I'd rather fucking die then ever tell another soul about these burdens that I carry on
My shoulders, any one
There, barely hanging on
How long do I have left God, I gotta be very strong
Many depending on
Me, I've wrote many songs
Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever make it
Animosity and melancholy got me in the zone
But don't forget about the whiskey and the
Marijuana, that's a deadly combo, I just kill it all
Feeling so fed up sometimes I just wanna end it all
Fuck a Panadol
Where my oxy at?
Where my ketamine, codeine, and whippits full of gas
I just wanna blast off, never looking back
Never want to land
Forever in a trance
That's why I overdose
Just hoping this time it'll finally make me comatose
No point being sober, I can't let it go
If only I could show my pain, they might know, but that goes against the code, uh

I could show my pain, but that goes against the code, uh
But that goes against the code, uh
I could show my pain, but that goes against the code, uh
Yeh