Handle Your Bars

Now, normally get pretty conflict-avoidant
Just ignore shit if it's just annoying
I don't write a diss track about "Stranger Things" episode seven
I'd just be like, "That's disappointing"
But recently, I was just acquainted
With a young man, maybe once-fan of ours
(Hey look, this guy's covering "Handlebars")
That's cool, what's he say in his bars?
(Umm, instead of "my bike," he says, "Your girl")
Oh, that's really clever (oh, it gets even better)

Oh, naturally, these days I have to be thoroughly crafted to be received fashionably
(Oh, yeah, you have to see this, his masterpiece is like a master thesis)
(In this project, he concocts a fascinating twist of logic)
(Describes a woman's body like it's just an object)
Hmm, watch out, watch out, hold up, hold up

I think that's been done
Yeah, it's been done
(Well, maybe, yeah)
I think that's been dumb
Yeah, and then some, hmm (yeah, I guess so)
I won't hold it against him
Hold it against him (oh, really? Why not?)
Because he's just 21 (tryna get attention)

(Actually, he's 22)
Oh, then that's disappointing
(His name is Logan Paul)
Oh, I don't listen to boy bands
(No, man! All the kids love his stuff)
(You don't know him at all?) What the fuck?
This guy's got like a million followers
(12 million, way more than all of yours)
Probably has like a billion dolla-ers
(Well, if you care so much, then call a law-y-er)

You see that bike? He's gonna fall off
Honey, ain't nobody in that video have booty like mine
That's why he can ride it with no handlebars
He don't need one, he don't need one, ain't no cake
Come around here, you'll get lost
Help!
Missing person's report, ha!

Now, why you gotta do it like that?
Took a nice track and abuse it like that with your stupid white rap
Follow my music, my path, but crashed into an ice patch
And it threw your ass back to the bougie heights
That I presume you might've had
But I don't really know your music like that
I mean, I don't really know your movies like that
I guess I don't really get what you do

So put your mic back on the bike rack tonight
'Cause my lady says she's not attracted by
Male dominant dumb shit, that can die
Look, Donald Trump's kid has a ride
That's a woman, that's a bike
That's a young kid, that's a mind
That is something that you might consider maybe just a little bit

I know it's all just a joke, but I disavow
The whole system's broke, gotta fix it now
You can't handle bars, so you mangle ours (mmm)
'Til you split the spokes, now they're sticking out
Like Pinocchio's nose that grows and twists around
Hokey flows you keep pissing out
Just to get a crowd to buy merchandise (mmm)
With our words inscribed on them? (That doesn't seem right)

I think this clown here deserves some pies on him
I'll put these rhymes in my first advice column
If you like someone, don't blatantly bite from them (mmm)
If you like women don't make a bike from them
God, sorry if I sound too do-goody, but
For the sake of our community, huh
I'ma take this opportunity
To let you know there's another stage after puberty

Mmm, watch out, watch out, hold up, hold up