How I Saved Roosevelt

That was President-elect Franklin D. Roosevelt
Ladies and gentlemen
Speaking to a crowd of supporters
Here at Miami's beautiful Bayfront Park
A group of notables are pressing in around
The President-elect's car
There's Mayor Anton Cermak of Chicago and-
There's been a shot!
I can't see!
Wait! Mister Roosevelt is waving
He's alright
But Mayor Cermak has been hit
The police have somebody in custody
An immigrant
Giuseppe Zangara
We take you now to a group of eyewitnesses
Who will tell us what they saw

We're crowded up close
And I see this guy
He's squeezing by
I catch his eye
I say to him
"Where do you think you're trying to go, boy?
Whoa, boy"
I say, "listen, you runt
You're not pulling that stunt
No gentleman pushes their way to the front"
I say, "move to the back"
Which he does, with a grunt
Which is how I saved Roosevelt

Then- well, I'm in my seat
I get up to clap
I feel this tap
I turn, this sap
He says he can't see
I say, "find a lap
And go sit on it"
Which is how I saved-

Then he started to swear
And he climbed on a chair
He was aiming a gun
I was standing right there
So I push it as hard as I could in the air
Which is how I saved Roosevelt

Lucky I was there

That's why he was standing back too far

That's why when he aimed he missed the car

Just lucky I was there
Or we'd have been left bereft of FDR

You think that I scared?
No scared
You think that I care?
No care
I look at the world
No good
No fair
Nowhere
When I am a boy, no school
I work in a ditch, no chance
The smart and the rich ride by
Don't give no glance

Ever since then because of them!
I have the sickness in the stomach
Which is the way I make my idea
To go out and kill Roosevelt

First I was figure I kill Hoover
I get even for the stomach
Only Hoover up in Washington
Is wintertime in Washington
Too cold for the stomach in Washington
I go down to Miami, kill Roosevelt

No laugh
No funny
Men with the money
They control everything
Roosevelt, Hoover
No make no difference
You think I care who I kill?
I no care who I kill
Long as it's king!

The crowd's breaking up
When I hear these shots
And I mean lots

I though I'd plotz

I spotted him-

My stomach was tied in knots

So I barreled-

Harold!
No, what happened was this:
He was blowing a kiss (she means Roosevelt)
I was saying to Harold
"This weather is bliss!"

And to think that we might have missed
Seeing him miss

Lucky we were there!

It was a historical event

Worth every penny that we spent

Just lucky we were there

To think if I'd let him get up closer-

I saw right away he was insane
Oh, this is my husband
We're from Maine

He told me to sit
But I said, "no, sir!"

It made our vacation a real success

Are you with the press?

Yes

Oh, God, I'm a mess

Some left-wing foreigner
That's my guess (No!)

And wasn't the band just fantastic? (no left)

Oh! You think I am left? Ha!
No left
No right
No anything
Only American
Zangara have nothing
No luck
No girl
Zangara no smart
No school
But Zangara no foreign tool
Zangara American
American nothing!

And why there no photographers?
For Zangara no photographers
Only capitalists get photographers
No right! (Lucky I-)
No fair (was there)
Nowhere
So what? (I'm on the front page, is that bizarre?)
No sorry (and all of those pictures like a star)
And soon no Zangara (just lucky I was there!)

We might have been left

Pull switch!

Bereft of F-

Who cares?
No care no more (D!)
No! (R!)