I Used To Stutter

I remember back before i had a grade
It was dark and stormy nights and i'm surrounded with this pain
I was often times suspicious that my dads gone crazy
But mom kept us away so we did see the Daily
I remember creeping out to watch him study for exams
2 am with out relenting it was all part of Gods plan
Until the pressure of the world reached out a showed what it demands
The devil got a foot hold of my Dad and took his hand

He had enough
Of the weight from the world
He was offered up some things that might just make his head twirl
And desensitize his brain so he could study some more
But addictions a real thing i watched it conquer his world
I wanted real love
With no pain
Dad just wants to work for the family
But his mind with all the substance started slipping just faintly
And after a period of time
His thoughts were relying on his mind
To Get more pills and keep on pushing be successful in life

After a time my dads actions started trickling down
It was making me wonder why he wasn't around
And why my mom kept us so busy we were always in town
And every time she call him on the phone it ended in her with a frown
I remember i would lay at night
Afraid my dad would leave the family when I turned off the lights
I would sing songs to myself as i looked up to the sky
My mother never ever let me hear them get in a fight

I remember once my family had to sleep in my room
We put the couch against the door
My mother slept on it too
I could hear my dad walking on the old tile floors
He banged on the wood
He yelled
Open up i need the money from my drawer
We sat in silence as my mom held the door
I remember helping thinking that my life was a war
It wasn't always a success
It wasn't always right
I remember once my Dad got in and started a fight
He wanted her purse so he could go and use it
Probably for pills so he could just abuse it
I started punching him
Over and over
Until he hit me on the floor
I was shook that my father was so caught up in this world
I remember all the times that id find his stash
It was hidden in his bathroom on the floor with the mat
I would open up a bottle and id poor it down the sink
But his mind was so far gone that he didn't even think
Even in the pain he thought to show not to drink
When he'd pass out on the floor i would shrivel up and shrink
I remember once the cops came banging house
They were asking for my Dad but i was clueless to the routes
I went inside and watched them talk but i could never read their mouths
It wasn't long before they pulled out the cuffs

Ive had enough
Start at the bottom i'm up out the rut
Dad fixed his life now were living above
Top of the hill i ain't ever give up
Oh
Changed his now i'm always living right
God at the center reminiscing all the times
Cops came banging in the middle of the night
Devil out of pocket its my God that he fights
Devil out of pocket
Oh
Its my God that i'm rocking
Oh
Dad was with the gun but i treat it like a rocket
Eyes fixed on heaven they might pop out of socket
I used to stutter then i told myself to stop it
It my life thats a gun i just cocked it
Oh
Ive had enough
Start at the bottom i'm up out the rut
Dad fixed his life now were living above
Top of the hill i ain't ever give up
Oh
Changed his now i'm always living right
God at the center reminiscing all the times
Cops came banging in the middle of the night
Devil out of pocket its my God that he fights
Devil out of pocket
Oh
Its my God that i'm rocking
Oh
Dad was with the gun but i treat it like a rocket
Eyes fixed on heaven they might pop out of socket
I used to stutter then i told myself to stop it
It my life thats a gun i just cocked it
Oh
Ive had enough
Start at the bottom i'm up out the rut
Dad fixed his life now were living above
Top of the hill i ain't ever give up
Oh
Changed his now i'm always living right
God at the center reminiscing all the times
Cops came banging in the middle of the night
Devil out of pocket its my God that he fights
Devil out of pocket
Oh
Its my God that i'm rocking
Oh
Dad was with the gun but i treat it like a rocket
Eyes fixed on heaven they might pop out of socket
I used to stutter then i told myself to stop it
It my life thats a gun i just cocked it
Oh
Ive had enough
Start at the bottom i'm up out the rut
Dad fixed his life now were living above
Top of the hill i ain't ever give up
Oh
Changed his now i'm always living right
God at the center reminiscing all the times
Cops came banging in the middle of the night
Devil out of pocket its my God that he fights
Devil out of pocket
Oh
Its my God that i'm rocking
Oh
Dad was with the gun but i treat it like a rocket
Eyes fixed on heaven they might pop out of socket
I used to stutter then i told myself to stop it
It my life thats a gun i just cocked it
Oh