Fake Dick (It's Sex Appeal)

I pull it out and it clears the room
My dick is as big as the moon
I unzip and all the ladies swoon
And ya know
I'm here to tell ya
That the fellas love it, too

I pull it out
And I slam it on the table
Flavored like maple
It's my magic trick
This thing's as thick as a brick
It's so long
There's no way it can be real
It's a fake dick
It's sex appeal

It's a prophylactic phallus
It's a fake dick
It's sex appeal
It's a prophylactic phallus
Put it to your lips
Then ya drink it like a chalice

Walkin' down the street
Is that a peg leg?
No it's not
Draped upon my shoulders
Is that a boa?
No it's not
Walkin' my pet tiger
Is that a leash?
Girl, you know it's not
See me rock climbin'
Is that a rope?
Nope, no it's not

It's my prophylactic phallus

Oh dear!

Wrap it around
And I shove it in myself
It's so good that I'll never get enough
I stand on it when I need to reach the shelf
There's no alternative
There is just nothing else

I spin it so fast
And fly around the world
And shower gifts down
On all the naughty girls

I'm Saint Nick
With a big dick
Girl, you know what's happening
Starin' at ya half erect
With a Santa hat

Fake dick baby
Yeah, it's sex appeal

It's a fake dick baby
Yeah, it's sex appeal

It's a fake dick baby
Yeah, it's sex appeal

It's a fake dick baby
Yeah, it's sex appeal

Hey!

I don't think I can carry this thing all over the place
I'm gonna need somewhere to park this bad boy
There's this man named Pabst Blue Ribbon

They call him that because he can fit so many cans
Of Pabst Blue Ribbon beer inside of his colon

Just big enough for this big old prophylactic phallus