Shot 'em Dead

Number One was a young girl's dream
High school captain on the football team
And he was sweet, baby sweet, he was sweet on me

Senior year, oh I wore his ring
And I was making him my everything
Till I caught him in his car
With the homecoming queen

I shot him dead
I shot him dead
I shot him dead
Bang bang, bang bang

Number Two was a man of the law
A million plaques hanging on his wall
His name was Rob, drove a Saab
Was a know-it-all

One day he took his little magnifying glass
And started waving it all over my past
He asked questions that he never
Should have asked

So I shot him dead
Did it again
I shot him dead
Bang bang, bang bang

Number Three was a guy named Fred
By now I'm sure you'll see how this one ends

I shot him dead
I got a taste for it
I shot him dead
Bang bang, bang bang, bang bang

Number Four was a girl named Jane
Her hair was red and her face was plain
We read books and we cooked
And she kept me sane

We were happy for the rest of our lives
Until the nursing home, age 99
I stole her applesauce
I thought that she'd gone blind

Nope

She shot me dead
She shot me dead
It was just bad luck
She shot me dead
Bang bang, bang bang